“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~ Pema Chodron
Sometimes it’s not the expectation of the known that allures us the most, it’s the possibility of what if.
There could be a million answers smelling of warm biscuits with apple butter fresh from the oven, but that’s not what I’m after this time.
This time I just want to see what happens.
I want to see what happens if we let it.
I want to see what happens if I don’t hold back—if I say and do everything that crosses my mind a hundred times during the course of a day even though I am busy with life.
I want to see if you will be inspired to do the same—or if you still need to keep that door locked up tightly.
I want to see what happens if I pretend that fear doesn’t exist.
To treat fear as an ex that I have outgrown, who I don’t have a use for anymore.
Will you do the same?
Or will you still want to hold tightly to all of the dark thoughts, that lead nowhere?
I want to see what happens if I step out of my insecurities and leave them along with my past, on the cold morning floor.
Will you leave yours there along with me?
Or do you still need them to keep you warm?
I want to see what happens if we let the night turn into morning—if we spend the time creating ribbons of memories that will only tie my soul more tightly to yours.
I want to see what happens if I fall into you—if I never let a barrier of space between our passions exist again.
And I kinda want to see what happens if I kiss you as much as I want too.
Will you kiss me back each time like it was the first?
Or will you eventually grow weary, extinguishing the fire between us?
I want to see what happens if I take you into this crazy world of mine.
A world that is filled with laughter, quiet moments and probably one too many childish inside jokes.
Will your eyes always sparkle and crease at the corners, in enjoyment?
Or will you grow tired of laughing next to me?
I want to see what will happen this time if we gave it up.
If we gave up everything that has been done and said—and instead started from this moment.
The here and now.
Not because we want to erase everything that has come before, because it did serve a valuable purpose.
But because sometimes, we all just need a fresh start.
A new beginning.
I want to see what will happen if you really began reading this story, that you first started so long ago.
Will you eventually become bored with the story line?
Or will you reread it again and again?
Highlighting your favorite parts and dog-earing the pages that you just couldn’t get enough of?
Because while I have danced along the edge of honesty and self-exposure, there is still so much that I want to reveal to you.
And maybe I am like a rose, and while you have pricked your finger on my thorns, and seen the bud ripe with possibility—it’s only just beginning to bloom.
I want to see what will happen if you touch me in all of the ways you really want to.
If there is nothing except just time standing in the way.
And even then, will there be enough to do it all?
Because I’ve been sitting up into the early morning hours wondering by the light of the waning moon.
And this time I am curious if instead of saying we don’t know what this is—if we both say exactly what it seems to be, what will happen?
Will the world end in chaos around us?
Will we run farther than we ever have before?
Or will we decide to hold on tight for the ride of our life.
Because I know that I can be intense—and maybe that is an understatement.
Yet, something tells me that even if it is challenging at times—something about your soul just craves the passionate intensity that I spin, while doing nothing more than being myself.
But, we’ve always had that damn “but.” This time, I kinda want to see what will happen if we put all that to rest and actually stop the sentence at, “I’ve never felt like this with anyone.” Period.
No buts—no futile explanations that only lead back to the same place.
I want to see what will happen over steaming morning coffee and late night raids to the freezer for ice cream.
I want to see if the rest of the puzzle will fit just as well as we do, when we are together—because while I never expected it, something tells me it just might.
This time, it’s not that I don’t want to make plans, but I also just want to see what will happen naturally if we don’t fight it so much.
I wonder this time—what will grow between us if we give it enough sunlight and water to always stay freely nourished.
What will happen if I stop pretending that you don’t know as much as you do—because while I have put myself out there into the world, I never have actually put myself into your hands.
And maybe this time I am finally realizing that you aren’t the only one who wasn’t ready.
But that was then and this is now.
Because this time, I just want to see what happens—if we both decide to let it.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo: flickr/Petr Dose