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November 23, 2015

Once Upon a Time is Now.

Dennis Skley/Flickr

Marriage equality has been in the news lately.

What opponents to this movement don’t seem to understand or appreciate is that love is love.

We each get to define love the way we want it to look. Maybe we didn’t think that our life would involve dealing with this issue, but everyone deserves their happily ever after. People may not like this particular topic because acknowledging that we might have a problem may mean having to do some heavy lifting in our own lives and relationships. Sometimes, when our own beliefs are questioned, we may end up having to dig deeper into our psyches. It might mean questioning everything that we know, believe or were taught.

We may even have to examine our own definition of love.

The answer lies inward, not outward…and this can be a lot of work.

There are very few cases where love is wrong. Love wins. Freedom to express it wins. We can’t forget that change will always happen; our lives aren’t static and boring. What we do with change can make all of the difference. Thinking that something we’ve always known may need to change can be terrifying and seem impossible.

However, we aren’t living in a fairytale. We’re living in reality and we get to change the ending if we want to.

Once upon a time is now.

Since when is love wrong? Are we willing to lose our own children over this? Is it so we can be right instead of choosing vulnerability by looking closer at ourselves? Maybe that’s ignorance and hatred talking, not love (unless it’s love for ourselves). That’s a poor foundation to start—or end—with. The willingness to question beliefs and search within involves being open not closed, being a window and not a door. It isn’t healthy to be bitter and unhappy or in a win/lose situation. Shake up the core. That’s okay. Learn to be comfortable with the new and with change: start with tolerance, end with acceptance.

We need to broaden our worldview. It’s past time for a reality check.

We can put blinders on so that we won’t have to deal with this, but remember that blinders not only block what we want to avoid, they limit everything that we get to see. If we live or go to church somewhere where this kind of thing never happens, it’s time to wake up. I guarantee that this is happening with our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, sons, daughters and friends.

If someone in our life is gay and hasn’t told us, they live in fear while we live in denial.

We may say that we can’t accept this or our church/family doesn’t allow it. We may say that our stance is due to love for ourselves or for our church.

That isn’t love…it’s fear.

If there’s anger, there’s often fear. But love always wins. Love means loving ourselves and others. It doesn’t mean that we get to love ourselves and hate others. Having bitterness against others isn’t love. Lying to oneself or others is also not love. Remember: love wins, and it’s easier to live a fulfilled life loving ourselves and others. Others are different, not like me, and therefore they are bad. Is that true?

Trying to change beliefs will leave us vulnerable and that’s okay. It will make us question many aspects of our life and that’s okay too. It may get to the point where we’ll need to accept that we’ll be uncomfortable.

That’s also okay.

Sometimes we can make the choice to be uncomfortable and still move on. Some people in our life may avoid us; some may actively hate us. That’s okay too.

This isn’t about them. It’s about us and what we want to choose—so why wouldn’t it be love?
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Relephant read:

Addressing the Roots of Inequality

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Author: Tammy K. Norman

Apprentice Editor: Lois Person/Editor: Renée Picard

Image: Dennis Skley/Flickr

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Tammy K. Norman