“There’s a huge difference in sex and making love. We have sex with someone who can satisfy us physically, but we make love to someone who can satisfy us soulfully and eternally. We have sex to satisfy our lust and hunger, which is nothing, but survival, but we make love to feed our soul and our mind, to fill a void that has been there since the beginning of time.” ~ Mehek Bassi
Somewhere between our spoon-fed beliefs about what sex should be and our fairytales about love we seem to still be asking—can we actually f*ck the person who we are in love with?
For some, the idea of f*cking denotes an image in the backseat of a car post prom—hurried undressing, fast and pushing hands, groping without really ever enjoying.
Likewise, those who are in love sometimes feel that making love is the only option for shared intimacy in relationships, because how can we actually f*ck someone who we are in awe of?
The most important aspect of this debate is that most seem to forget that the deeper we connect and care for an individual, the more intense our level of intimacy will be.
When we are truly enamored by another and feel a strong connection and pull, then sometimes making love just won’t do.
I used to believe that when we love someone, we aren’t capable of f*cking them.
I used to believe that if we loved someone, sex somehow had to be more gentle and caring to express that deep level of feeling.
At least that was my belief until I was f*cked so well my heart was ripped open.
I’ve had my vulnerabilities and insecurities shaken down and broken apart after being f*cked by someone who cares deeply for me, in ways that those who didn’t have these feelings for me were just unable to.
When we truly love and care for someone we aren’t simply after our orgasm as the climax point—the entire experience is one that rivals our senses.
The act of sex becomes about experiencing our partner and immersing ourselves into their atmosphere.
It’s about savoring them as the most delectable meal—and achieving more pleasure from watching them orgasm and climax than maybe the actual sex itself.
When we f*ck someone we love—it’s not just about sex, it’s about connection.
We can have sex with anyone, including ourselves.
We can make love to the world—to ourselves and our lovers.
The idea of making love is something that doesn’t necessarily have a sexual connection to it.
We can be so highly attuned to love that we make it wherever we go.
But, true f”*cking—the kind that reaches deep into our psyches and far into our souls, can only be done by someone who affects our very being.
Someone who has taken the time to thoughtfully wander along our curves and through the darkness of our mind—someone who appreciates the person we are, not just the body we occupy.
To f*ck someone we love is the ultimate expression of sexual intimacy.
The true definition f*cking someone we have deep feelings for isn’t found in the speed of the thrusting, nor is it found in how experimental it may get—it’s found in how deep we penetrate our partner’s soul.
But in order to do that, we first have to be awakened and authentically ourselves—because we can’t truly f*ck someone else until we know our own heart and body.
There is a deep process involved in order to show our most raw and vulnerable selves, in the act of physical intimacy.
Because in order to experience f*cking someone we love, we need to first be real with ourselves.
If we are still hiding behind our insecurities or fears, whether physical or emotional, then we will not be able to be fully present in the act with our partner.
And if we can’t be mindful of the present moment during intimacy, then we don’t stand a chance at being able to f*ck or be f*cked in return.
To enter into this heightened level of sexual intimacy, we need to be willing to bare it all—our fears, our feelings, our hopes and our dreams.
Sometimes we fear expressing what is in our heart because the feeling may not be mutual—but that isn’t the point of love.
The point of love isn’t only to offer it if there is a guarantee of it being returned—the point is to declare our love with passion and determination, because loving is a gift.
When we can strip it down and lay it all out without fear of consequence, then there isn’t anything left to do besides love.
There are no issues to be worked through or fears to hide behind.
It just becomes us and our partner—that is when the magic happens.
That is when a touch becomes electric and a kiss pure intoxication.
The moment when a tongue has the power to transform our body—the second that we have our first taste, knowing that one won’t ever be enough.
To have sex is to climax—to f*ck is to connect.
It’s said that we carry a bit of every lover we’ve ever had within our energy core and that is why we should be mindful of who we connect with sexually.
But not every lover shares their sexual energy with us in the same way.
Sometimes the only penetration is the physical one and we are left feeling empty after intercourse.
But other times, we can feel rocked by f*cking someone who shakes us to our very core.
We can feel breathless, peace and sometimes even overwhelmed at the connection.
That is the power of f*cking someone who we love.
Because not everyone can go deep enough to f*ck our hearts—and that is the true measure of love.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock