Like many of my close girlfriends, I have always dreamt of falling in love.

I have dreamt of being swept off my feet and being truly understood and loved unconditionally by another human.

The catch is though, I don’t believe in falling in love. It seems to be something in the far-off distance—a reality I haven’t seen in my own life or in that of those who are near and dear to me.

At the core of my being I believe you grow to love someone.

I have experienced this twice in my life, and just recently, almost a third time.

The key is connection. Everything is about connection and the energy that can exist in the space between two people. You might have experienced this yourself. On the surface, you share great conversation and a six-pack, but in the silent moments between sips and badly told jokes, there is a swirling energy you can almost see if you look for long enough. You are not, however, straight away attracted to or drawn to this person. It is instead a comfortable space where you both silently acknowledge a chemistry that is complexly non-sexual.

You tell yourself on the second, third, twentieth and fiftieth time you see this person, “Don’t be silly, he’s always said things like that to you. Of course he feels comfortable running his fingers along your back, you are friends, you have a connection. It’s not sexual.”

Until, it is.

Men, if you are reading this, this is a true phenomenon. Women will grow to love you, and when they do, the love will be so much greater than a falling love. Those things that they initially found annoying and used as a reason to never see you in that light will become some of the most endearing habits you could possibly possess.

And this is where I see the difference in falling in love—when you grow to love someone, you love them for exactly who they are. Not the idea of the person you thought they were when you met.

To some, this may sound like falling. I can tell you from personal experience that every ounce of my being saw these men as friends, as life long connections to share and explore the journey with. I didn’t picture them pushing me against my bedroom wall and feeling their heated breath between my breasts as they explored my body for the first time.

The way we saw each other changed. There was an energy shift. The swirling energy that existed in those first encounters had reached a crescendo and had nowhere to go except into the hearts of the two people existing in the space outside. It is an appreciation of the unique life force that drives each and every one of us, and an untamed desire to know and learn from it.

Ladies, if you are reading this, in no way am I saying that falling in love is a myth. It just hasn’t been my experience. My truth tells me that growing in love is special, is something worth treasuring and something you will experience when you open your heart while you allow that swirling energy to find its way in.

I thought for a long time that I was missing out. What is with this growing in love with someone bullshit? It can’t be real, it isn’t real, I’m creating this in my head because I want so badly to fall in love and share my life with someone.

I’m here to tell you that growing in love is just as romantic. Growing in love sparkles in the same way and is something to be cherished for its uniqueness. It is in so many ways the most beautiful thing in the world. To already treasure a connection and to see that energy grow until the swirls can no longer be contained. Allow it. Accept it. Open your eyes and your heart and you never know who you could be waiting to grow in love with.

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Relephant:

You Can’t Hurry Love: 4 Tips for Growing a Mindful Relationship.

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Author: Skye Hughes

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

Image: David Goehring/Flickr