Meditation is a practice that involves stillness of mind, body and spirit.
The breath is the initial point of concentration that focuses the mind and body and eventually the spirit. The breath works stillness through the body by means of purification. Every inhalation gives us life and every exhalation relieves the body and spirit of tension and stress.
The more oxygenated our body and blood are the better they are able to process their contents. These contents can then nourish our biological system.
Sex is the coöperative mechanism between sexual genders that extends life. It is primarily a replication mechanism, of course, but for humans and other conscious species, sex is much more, as well. It is pleasurable, stress relieving and de-focuses the mind from daily life in a similar manner to meditation. However, in modern society there appears to be confusion in some regards around lovemaking and “proper” practice.
Experienced lovers will know that sex is a fully embodied activity—that means that our thoughts vanish. However, the term “experienced lover” refers to a couple who know and love each other. This term may have been skewed in some instances; the “experienced lover” seduces another stranger courtesy of his wit and good looks. The sex hungry girl next door tempts yet another one of her neighbors to an afternoon delight. The difference here is the familiarity between lovers, a quick meet for sex and a couple who go beyond quickies are two very different couples in their lovemaking.
Sex and meditation are two of the most surefire ways to forget about the world around us. Both are activities that are all encompassing, natural and relieve the stress of daily life. Although a problem exists today in some of our youth’s (and adults) attitude to sex it is not as easy to teach the correct technique as it is with meditation. Both activities allow us to forget about other stress inducing activities. Sex should not be stress inducing in any way and this article attempts to shed some light on the problem. Meditation is the giver of this light and suggests some solutions from its known beneficial effects.
Today’s media and marketing industries which use sex as a tool are inducing a mindlessness about sex in some of us. Sex is pitched as an achievement, a lot of current media and advertising places sex on a pedestal and encourages sex as validation of “being sexy.” The innuendo in many marketing campaigns falsely tie high value and desirability (of a product) with sexiness and good-looking models. The resultant attitude, transferred subliminally, is that one would have sex to feel “sexy” or to be part of something portrayed as elitist by certain advertisements. The truth is that sex is normal and healthy in and of itself, and a means rather than an end as suggested by some media and advertising.
This attitude of elitism and value is observably transferred to social behaviour and current norms. Women and, increasingly, men are perceived as objects of value. Dress style and make-up hint at the media’s transfer of value placed on appearing sexy and valuable. Therefore, many social interactions are based on this validation system of sex, a product of a mindless approach to the opposite sex. Sex has become more what we see and place value on by appearance rather than how we feel.
Have you ever allowed yourself to take in another person’s “vibration,” rather than staring at their revealed flesh or fresh haircut? How we feel around someone says a lot more than how well we think would look in photographs with them. A mindful approach to our social relationships is infinitely more satisfying, as we soak up the other person’s essence. We are also more likely to get laid if we tune in to how someone is feeling, rather than attempting to feel validated by standing next to the tallest blonde. Unfortunately, the mindlessness of such social mis-interactions can spill into the act of sex itself, with more emphasis on looking good and “performing” good than losing consciousness completely with someone you really fancy.
Due to the tendency to seek validation, the act of sex has been mis-interpreted by some as a continuation of this validation seeking. This over burden on the visual sense by sex in the media has in some cases spilled over into the act of sex itself. With the ubiquity of pornography on the internet and our pre-occupation with looking good, the use of the remainder of our senses has been neglected in sex. The act has become frantic and a mimicry of how sex goes according to pornography and the glitzy advertisements that champion a spotless appearance and an air of celebrity. However, sex that is done authentically is a meditation in itself, filling up all the senses in an all encompassing union between two lovers.
The mind blowing sex that we all seek is found when we use all of our senses in the moment at the expense of all of our thoughts; our thoughts about our appearance, our performance and how we compare to our lover’s previous lovers. In this sense sex is most similar to meditation. We are in the moment, our thoughts about the rest of the world disappear and our senses are filled by our lover and the moment of lovemaking. We do not even consider the how and when of climax, being in the moment of the act is intensely satisfying. When sex becomes an all encompassing, meditative in the moment act it is healthy. All our daily stresses disappear and we have a final moment of relief at climax (or not).
This quality of lovemaking happens when we take our time; our time to fully know and appreciate our lover and our time with the act itself, mindful of every instance and in a state of meditation.
Author: Christopher Doyle
Editor: Travis May