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December 5, 2015

What I Want Most in this Life.

Professor JRuiz / Flickr

As we do this dance together—slowly getting to know one another, trying not to step on each other’s toes—there are countless things that I want you to know about me.

Some things I hide from you—fearful of revealing too much too soon. Some things I hide from the world, and some things I even hide from myself.

I look forward to the unfolding of it all. I look forward to when you learn these things about me, and I learn new things about myself. Bit by bit, I’ll shed a new layer in each moment we share together.

I know you will revel in each new discovery you make. You’ll take in each new detail with the same curiosity as the first time the scent of my skin hit your nose. Each new detail will remind you of the first time the softness of our bodies melted into one another.

I’m thanking you in advance for helping me discover these things about myself, that I have kept away from the world. You help me shine my light a little brighter. You help me be the best version of myself.

I know the day will come when we wake up next to each other in the early morning light, slowly stretching out of the heaviness of sleep, and we just know. We know the ins and outs of one another—we have read the instruction manual. On this day, much of the mystery of a new romance will be gone. It will have morphed into something solid, sturdy—real. A foundation on which to build a life together.

But until that day comes—which won’t be long now—there is so much that I want you to know…

I want you to know that I will be your co-pilot, your best friend—your partner in crime. I will always say, “yes” to an adventure, a last-minute road trip and seat-of-your pants decision. I enjoy the thrill and the not-knowing just as much as you do, and I can’t wait for you to discover that about me.

I want you to know that I will be your warrior. Your biggest fan. The encouragement you need during trying times. I will be the one to give you that extra push to get you believing in yourself again. I will always be on your side. I see you—all of you—and you are wonderful. I will remind you of this when you have forgotten.

I want you to know that I will be a loving mother. Do you know that I want a family? I’m not sure we’ve really talked about this yet, but you should know it’s the thing I look forward to most in this life.

I want you to know that I will enjoy the little things along the way—reveling in the mysteries and magic—making even the small moments special, especially the small moments. And the big moments, well, those will be big. Holidays will be nothing short of magical and birthdays will morph into birth-months. I promise to be fair, kind and respectful.

We are a team, and I will always be on your side.

I want you to know that I am the girl you’ve been searching for—waiting for, dreaming about. I know you’re starting to wonder if I even exist. You’ve had a few close calls before, and for some, you even thought they might be “the one.” But they weren’t, because none of those girls were me—until now. At least that’s how I feel about you—and now you’re here, standing right in front of me, in real life. I can feel the weight of your arm draped over mine as we spoon on the couch. I can feel the heat of your body as we drift into sleep. You’re real. I still pinch myself sometimes—just to make sure.

I want you to know that I am not like the other girls you’ve dated. I’m ready. I’m open and vulnerable. I have a healthy relationship with myself and my family. I’m interested in growth and change—something so many shy away from—because the only constant is change. And I want to grow with someone, at the same pace, not by myself anymore.

I understand unconditional love, for real this time. It’s taken me a long time to get here. I’ve shed many tears, screamed hurtful things and been in unhealthy relationships, blind as a bat. But now I’m here—on the other side. And I know myself, and I know what I want. I am no longer compromising for anything less. I deserve to be happy and live a life that I am proud of. I am no longer settling.

I love myself enough now to say these things—and I mean it this time.

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Relephant:

3 Steps to Overcoming the Fear that Keeps us Trapped in Unhealthy Behaviors & Bad Relationships.

 

Author: Sarah Snedaker

Apprentice Editor: Savannah Robinson/Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Professor JRuiz

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