For the Men Who Give All the F*cks.

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Warning: Plenty of naughty language ahead!

~

Recently, I overheard two women talking.

“That’s a lot for a Dad”, one said—referring to a man being responsible for getting his three kids to school on time in the morning.

The tone was undeniable—dismissive. This attitude is widespread amongst women.

I’m here to disagree. I am married to a man who brings as much to the family table as I do, and I know there are so many more of you out there.

This is for the men who give all the fucks.

The men who show up without being asked, who stay up even when they’re exhausted; the men who put the fucking seat back down when they’re finished.

The men who have fierce respect for their mothers, and wouldn’t be caught dead having her do their laundry—or paying their bills.

This is for the men who know that choosing a strong woman full of magic can sometimes mean choosing a challenging life but they do it anyway, because there is no greater gift than to partner with a daring, courageous heart.

The men who believe in inspiration as well as integrity, and model those qualities for their children.

Who aren’t too old, too tough, or too busy to stop, exhale, and play.

The men who teach their daughters to handle the same rifle as their son, who teach their son to do laundry alongside their daughter—because they do not believe that gender comes with assignments and limitations.

The men who tell their friends, their family, and their children that no one will disrespect their partner.

Who don’t hide behind organized religion or political party, or look to society to guide their moral compass. They know their compass. They are the compass.

The men who can love with great power—and great vulnerability.

The men who love women, who love men, who love men who love men, who love women who love women…because it is all love, and it deserves to be recognized and celebrated.

Who aren’t afraid to take off their clothes in front of a woman and be naked, in body and in soul; who can stand and take in their partner and say “we are perfect together.”

The men who believe that starting the conversation is the gateway to everything. Who would rather disappear alone to the mountains than sit at a bar or in front of a television.

The men who run to open the door for the elderly.

This is for the men who would burn before they brought drugs into their homes or exposed their children and partners to abusive, addictive behaviours; who believe that there is no excuse for smoking weed when you’re 35.

The men who see with their souls and not just their eyes.

For the men who can stand in the uncomfortable places, and be asked the hard questions, and not run away or turn to bullying and name-calling.

This is for the men who will never bully a woman. Or another man. Or God help us—a child.

The ones who are willing to say a resounding ‘”no” to sexism, racism, and hate while standing in a circle of their peers.

For the men who give up what society says is normal to support a woman while she climbs the ladder or launches a business and takes care of the children and do the dishes and clean up dog shit in the yard—because being a partner is more important than being a breadwinner.

This is for the men who believe in serving something greater than themselves.

Who live to protect. Who die to protect. Who offer themselves in the service of their family, my family, and your family. Who offer themselves in service of you, so that you might be free.

The men who believe in protecting the forest and her wildlife over trophy killing and sport. Who can stand on the mountaintop and scream to the heavens, and feel an answer radiated back to them.

The men who love a glass of wine, a dark beer and a mystery chocolate milk creation from their five year old equally.

This is for the men who were born to create things—and refuse to be silenced. They create because they must; with their minds, their hands and their words.

Who are warriors for love.

This is for the men who believe in imagination. In the Second Amendment. In organic produce, old trucks and dance parties in the living room.

This is for the men who swing an axe for exercise instead of wearing color coordinated outfits at the Crossfit gym.

For the men who believe in hard work and harder play: in relationships, in parenting, in business, and in the bedroom.

This is for the men who aren’t afraid to create something from nothing and go wildly in a new direction where there are no guarantees—except that of a great adventure.

This is for the men who give all the fucks.

Who give a fuck about where we are today, and where the world will be for their children and great-great grandchildren. Who give a fuck about equality and compassion for every single member of humanity—regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual preference, physical appearance or disability. Who want to know about what they’re made of on the inside.

The men who are loving strong, living fully, and daring greatly.

May we know them. May we raise them. May you be one.

~

Author: Heather Gallaher

Editor: Sarah Kolkka

Image: DavidGoehring/Flickr

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Heather Gallaher

Heather Gallaher is currently a writer, photographer, rodeoing cowgirl gypsy mama that has settled in a little town in Southern California where there’s lots of avocados and even more sunshine. She finds fulfillment in putting pen to paper and trying to translate her life experiences, (though sometimes rocky), into something meaningful that one other person in the world might find useful. Heather also creates soul shaping connections with clients by letting their photographs show the world that love is so very alive. She loves the smell of hay and horseshoes, chocolate in most forms, a caramel latte at any and all hours, mountaintops, fog and kisses that send her spinning into oblivion. You can find her riding her horses instead of cleaning her house. To learn more about Heather and her photography, please visit her website and Facebook page.

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anonymous Mar 4, 2016 3:59pm

Nice work!!! There are those men out there and I celebrate you celebrating them. Don't harsh on the weed though, it's all a part of nature and can be used responsibly and productively!!!

anonymous Mar 4, 2016 6:11am

This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Heather.

anonymous Feb 16, 2016 10:54am

I think if you actually met a man like this you'd probably friend-zone him so you could treat him like a girlfriend whenever you wanted to talk about the guy you were actually dating who was kind of a jerk but drove a nice car and gave you free coke.

anonymous Feb 12, 2016 7:05am

Except for the second amendment and the toilet seat (I'd love a woman who would raise the fu..ing seat when she's finished) I agree.
I'm lucky enough to be married with a strong willed woman and I teach my girl to be as strong and combative as her brothers (who participate in every task in house).

anonymous Feb 10, 2016 9:22pm

I don't think you have to agree with every single aspect of this article to get the idea (I'm Australian, and the American gun obsession either makes my eyes glaze over or my blood boil depending on my mood. And as for drugs…)

Ladies, build your partner up, don't tear him down – and let him do the same!

I'm into 17 years with an awesome partner who puts his family first – and by doing so brings out the best in me 🙂

anonymous Feb 10, 2016 7:42am

Why are people picking this article apart?! Read it as a whole and appreciate the gist.

anonymous Feb 10, 2016 7:05am

Thank you for writing this article, I found it through a share on Facebook. These are all admiral traits that some people think all men should have. However, you can’t have a battle hardened warrior man also be a soft and kind sterile man. Also a man can’t be all of those things if he is with a weak minded and insecure woman; she will either want him home all the time or push him away. An amazing woman will allow a man to flourish; she will allow him to be himself even though he has flaws. A man craves danger and adventure and that is evident in our little boys; but, they are told to be cautious and to not get hurt. When a man goes off into the world he is told he must be clean shaven and wear a business suit to be successful. When we see a picture of a burly man with a huge beard wearing flannel, we say “now that’s a man!” not the guy who is wearing a suit with perfect hair and a clean shave. I think a lot of this is programmed out of us men at a young age and leave us wondering what a man is. Often times i see women fall for the rugged man who loves her deeply but also needs solitude to reground himself. Eventually his need for re grounding is looked at him as running away and is removed from him through passive aggressive comments like; “you are ALWAYS gone or you ALWAYS go fishing”. Eventually the man feels guilty and stops these activities that would recenter him and allow him the be ” the man”, at this moment he is a caged animal. I finished reading your article and was left with the thought of, this man you describe doesn’t exist. Even though I feel every woman wants this man and deserves one, I also feel most women couldn’t handle a man like this. There is a great book called ‘Wild at heart’ by john Eldrige describing why it’s hard to find men like in your article anymore. It will also help men understand their core nature and how to apply it to the woman they love.
After all of my rambling, I still believe that if both a man and a woman build each other up and truly want each other to succeed…Then you will be able have the man stated above and a wonderfully happy and content woman. I really hope that in today’s world this is all still possible and hasn’t been lost.
Thank you for your article

anonymous Feb 9, 2016 6:55pm

Great article! One many woman will most likely read and write off as fiction. But men that care about everything more then just themselves do exist. As for everyone voicing the disapproval to points she has made. I can find many things that I don’t agree with but I can also see how someone can be in a position to believe such things. We all walk different paths and interact diff with the same subjects. Let’s all accept the differences appreciate the similarities

anonymous Feb 9, 2016 3:41pm

Heather, thanks for acknowledging those of us who doggedly try to do the 'right thing', even when it's hard. Women are too often dismissive of men's efforts, and too quick to jump to a negative conclusion about motives. I'm the guy who took both my step-children to their first day of kindergarten while supporting a wife who was going to school, who packed lunches, went to school functions, and more.

I get that there are a lot of guys who are taking the sleazy way out, and that can make a person bitter, but some of us are determined to remain honorable. Thanks again.

anonymous Feb 9, 2016 1:38pm

Great article. I can relate to this article, I have done this my whole life. It amazes me whn the man doesn't step up in his role. I'm glad my boys were taught different.

anonymous Feb 9, 2016 1:06pm

Loved it

anonymous Feb 9, 2016 8:54am

I was going to send this article to my partner, because he is a man who gives all the fucks, until you mentioned "there is no excuse for smoking weed at 35." I agree with Chris that the indoctrination around this drug apparently is still holding true for some. My partner has MS and marijuana is the only thing that brings him any sort of relief. It is a plant with many medicinal properties and uses….oh, and it opens your mind, which is perhaps why the powers at be want you to believe that it is a terrible drug. Open your mind and see it for what it should be….plant medicine. I will not be sharing this article with him, or with anyone else.

    anonymous Mar 4, 2016 3:57pm

    the article was awesome and i agree with your point abt medicinal herbs…weed and other.

anonymous Feb 9, 2016 5:27am

What’s wrong with smoking weed?? If u think that is a negative “drug” it would seem the indoctrination is still instilled deep inside u, I personally love the fact that it can bring back a new sense of wonderment in any situation

    anonymous Feb 9, 2016 9:18am

    I stopped reading at that point also, I prefer a msn that smokes "weed" who also functions as a mature fun loving responsible adult. I know a ton of men & women that are accomplished that are over 35 & smoke "weed"

anonymous Feb 8, 2016 9:18pm

Ok Universe. …I want that man…so ready…and grateful! A girl can manufest right??

anonymous Feb 8, 2016 6:23pm

Hi there,

I happen to be a man (and like to think of myself as someone) who agreed with, and has, most of the qualities that you write about…. except for having very strong and different views about your needless plug at the end about the Second Amendment. I believe the founding fathers had something very different in mind when they included it in the constitution, and never intended for it to be waylaid by people who think that it gives them the right to walk around with semi-and fully automatic weapons. This country and the world needs less guns, not more of them. True strength comes from compassion and restraint.

    anonymous Feb 8, 2016 9:40pm

    Hi Ray :). Well, in the spirit of honesty, the whole piece was ‘needless’, was it not? It’s my opinion. The line on the Second Amendment doesn’t call for more guns, does it? I’m a hard supporter of gun laws and reduction of gun violence worldwide. I’m also a prior Marine and understand that violence is not fought with restraint, and anyone that believes in their heart that evil can be simply combatted with an open mind and a passive approach has never stood in certain parts of the war stricken, terror ravaged world…or been alone, weapon less in their home when armed criminals try to break in in the middle of the night. But I digress. I am in full agreement with you that the founding fathers had NO intention of their words being used to fuel and support the mania of the NRA lobbyists. I don’t support them, or more guns. I support responsibility. Accountability. Firm and fair laws that support law abiding citizens. Above all, the freedom to defend my family and my home. That last part…that was the original context of the Amendentment. Thanks for reading. 🙂

    anonymous Feb 9, 2016 1:25am

    Well, I’m afraid the article lost me at “rifles”. Probably due to not being American. Different lifestyles altogether.

Richard Decater Dec 12, 2016 2:09pm

Why thank you Heather. I do give a fuck. You're very kind for sayin

Nick Pitman Oct 19, 2016 2:21pm

Great article until the judgement on cannabis. After years of violence and instilled self doubt cannabis has helped me deal with depression, anxiety and anger and ego dissolving. I am a brilliant father and a good man thank you.

Apollo Sevan May 23, 2016 4:28pm

Yeah, I was also getting into this article, until the judgmental aspect of people who use medical marijuana. This has absolutely nothing to do with masculinity and is a personal choice. It ruined the whole article for me :(

Alex Schartz May 22, 2016 5:09pm

So where are the articles men have wrote that explain their version of a perfect lady?