February 16, 2016

Intimate Friendships: How to Talk about Your Best Friend when they are so Much More.


Someone once told me that Libras and Capricorns are notorious for not getting along. Naturally, as a Capricorn, I disagree. Here’s why:

I fell in deep love with a Libra last spring and it seems that we’ve left the sandbox holding each other’s hands while we flip everyone else the bird.

Kidding. But not kidding.

The beauty of our connection is in how we walk beside each other. Sometimes she flitters off to do her thing, coming back with stories of lessons learned and connections filled with balanced ambiguity and grace. Sometimes I get a running start and slam my horns into something (or someone) head first and live to tell her the tale.

I’m a stubborn little sh*t and she’s indecisive. Or rather, she encourages me to embrace all the gray areas of life without judgement and I can pluck her from the clouds and put her feet here on earth when it’s time to move.

During the beginning of this friendship, I dealt with the insecurities of my monogamous partner. By “dealt”, I mean slipped into extreme guilt and believed I was a terrible partner for having such a strong connection with another person who was not my current lover.

So I talked the friendship down. I made excuses. I denied my feelings and did everything I could to soothe my partner’s nervous pride. But that didn’t last long. Serving someone else’s fear wasn’t how I wanted conduct any relationship.

After my partnership fell apart, when I was finally able to explore my own wants and needs and beliefs around relationships, that’s when I decided that this is a friendship that has no place in the way my world taught me to view relationships.

My Libra Love was the biggest contributor to redefining my priorities when it comes to connections. Because she’s one of the essential components that propels my life forward, there’s no way I would give up or change that connection to attempt to fit safely into a box I’ve been told I want since birth. That box looks so limiting from where I stand now.

Where would I be without the freedom to express my love for this incredible human? Whether that be an evening spoon over chocolate coconut milk ice cream, a deep kiss on the couch, or the simple admission that this is the strongest, most complex and important love I’ve ever felt while we sit on our porch, making an outline of our newest idea of how to take over the world.

We are not lovers—at this point. But we do share a bed from time to time. We’ve watched each other mend our own broken hearts. We’ve checked each other. We challenge each other. I know the taste of her spit and the texture of her lips. But there is no label that defines who we are to each other. This is the most intimate of partnerships without entitlement. This is my wonderful, not so platonic, but very emotionally intimate, not quite a lover, but we’re leaving room for that, partner in life, as it is right now.

I don’t know what will come of any of my connections. The possibilities are endless. I want to leave room for every one of them to evolve and grow. I do not want to move through relationships thinking that another person’s jealousy should impact what actions I take in life, especially when it is a detriment to me.

The ambiguity in all our connections leaves room to redefine what friendship means, what partners are and why we choose them. We can redefine love. We can decide what rules and boundaries are outdated and we can make our own. Every connection is important. Love looks a lot of different ways.

Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.





Author: Anne Hindes

Editor:  Travis May

Image: Flickr/Micah Danao

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