**Warning: Adult language and content below!
“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.” ~ C.Chaplin
I don’t know if I have met you yet or not—but that doesn’t matter, because I have made the decision to save myself for you.
It seems like a choice, although so obvious in intention, it eluded me until only recently—only the one who falls in love with the woman that I truly am deserves to touch my naked body.
I didn’t always feel this way, though.
For a long time, I wondered if I could have open relationships—I wondered if maybe great sex was more crucial than an amazing love that I’ve spent so much time dreaming of.
Yet thanks to a dear and amazing friend, I now believe differently, because he knew all along what I truly wanted—even if at times I would have liked to forget it.
Although I never doubted what I deserved—at times, it was hard to believe that a man like you existed.
But the thing is—now I know you do.
I know that you are out there craving a woman just like me—and not just because of the way that I can excite your desires, but for the way that I make your soul weak.
I know that there is a man like you out there who will be brave enough to give me his heart.
And now I know that the most amazing thing that I can do for you—and myself—is to save that sacred part of me until we are sure of our feelings and intentions towards one another.
Because except for very rare cases, no one’s ever had sex and then fallen into that lasting kind of love.
I truly believe now that I cannot fuck a man into falling in love with me.
I am promising you—the next time I have sex, it will be an act of expressing feelings that are already present, instead of a quest to figure out what we are feeling.
Sex won’t be able to help us figure out if we love one another or not.
That is only something that will have to happen in a million small ways, before you ever feel the weight of my body in your lap or the way my soft skin caresses yours.
The truth is, I want love—even if it still makes me nervous to declare it to the world.
So maybe all of those times that I sold myself short, by giving in to the physical desires of my body, it was only because I was still afraid of asking for what I really wanted—love.
But now that I have taken that deep breath and realized that sometimes we do need take the slow road, I feel like I am taking that last puzzle piece and fitting it safely into place on the journey to learn how to love myself.
And that means I will be able to love you in all of the ways you deserve to be—this I am sure of.
When we finally are able to come together and spend time with one another, I know that I will have something truly special to offer, that I am saving for only you.
When you undress me for the very first time, I want you to know that you have a gift in your hands, and there isn’t anything more that I can give someone that I love.
Because I’ve realized that what I’ve wanted most, all along, is to be made love to.
I’m sure we will have those times of soul-fucking and quickies, because I have no doubt we will be a phenomenal match sexually—but you will also be able to give me something that I don’t think I’ve ever really been given.
As the more time passes, I realize that though I’ve been in a marriage and had a few other intimate “situations”—I’ve never been truly loved.
I have no idea what that would even feel like—but I know that in time, you will show me.
And I promise that I will do my best to not be scared.
My deepest secret is that I am more scared of love than anything else—but I am aware of it, and so I also know that I can work on it. I struggle frequently with the fear that I am always destined to be left.
The thing is that these are ghosts that I am in constant conversation with, so that when you do finally find the courage to step to me, hopefully they won’t be haunting me any longer.
I know that I will deserve you—and I hope that when the time is right, you will know that you deserve me too.
I have no idea whether I will be saving myself for a week or a year in my wait for you—-but I do know that it will be worth it.
Because when you slide my shirt off my shoulder to kiss along my collarbone and neck, I won’t have to wonder if you were doing it to someone else the evening before.
I won’t have to worry if I am one of many—because you will already have made it clear that I am your one and only.
This isn’t to say that we will last forever or that there won’t be difficulties—but only that when we do finally get to that step of exploring each others bodies, it will be because we’ve already conquered each other’s heart.
Because as much as I enjoy the act of sex—it never makes matters of the heart any clearer.
And so, I know now that the only thing I can do is wait.
Wait for you to make yourself known and for us to get to know one another “the old-fashioned way” in the beginning.
So that when we do finally get to strip each other down and explore our love physically—there will be no doubt that you and I will be a perfect fit.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina