March 22, 2016

A Letter to Myself on Those Tough Days.

sad anxious depressed dark woman alone

I know that you are hurting, my love. And I am here to listen.

Through those dark lonely pauses when you feel you are all alone, I will be here to fill the void. I will stoke the ashes of your light when you believe it’s gone out, and keep it burning through the night; because really it’s never actually disappeared, you just can’t see it right now. And that’s okay. I am here to remind you that it’s still there. I am here to catch your fall, and lift you up again. And again. And again.

You, my dear, have the strength of a thousand horses, and I know you will get through this—this mud-caked, tear-soaked journey—and come out on the other side even brighter than you already are. And this battle that you’re fighting right now is just a building block for you to grow even stronger. Put down your weapons, love. You don’t need them. I promise.

And you, please don’t forget yourself. You, who are so infinitely beautiful. With the eyes that shine with so much hope and light, and the heart that holds so much love it could burst, and the courage that forges through all of your fears and insecurities with such determination. I know you don’t believe it right now, but you are meant to be here to do great things. And you are meant to stay.

I love you. Through all your shadows, your fears, your complaints, your anger, your insecurities. I am here to stay with you. And I am not going anywhere. So please rest easy, my darling. I will be here when you wake up.

And soon enough, tomorrow will bring a new day along with the promise of a new start. Hold on. With all your might. I know you are exhausted. Don’t give up. I know you want to, to give up. I feel your sigh in my heart and hold your tears in my hands. I know your heartbreak.

And please remember above all else, my darling, that I love you. And I will not give up on you. I promise. I promise forever. I will fight for you when you can’t anymore, and we will win this together. You are a lotus meant to bloom through this mud, and I know the incredible beauty of your soul. It shines so bright it’s blinding.

So here, I will sit. We will sit. Until you start to feel a glimmer of life inside of you again, and start to crack that beautiful smile of yours again, and start to laugh that gregarious laugh of yours again, we will sit. And when you do come back to life, when you do feel like Spring is inside of you again, I will be there to experience your joy with you too.

And we will dance in the light of the sun together.


Author: Annie Ermanis

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Helga Weber/Flickr

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