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March 10, 2016

Advanced Sexual Skills: 3 Keys to Peaceful, Passionate, Timeless Sex.

girl, frustrated, sad, lost,

Really great sex can be loud, explosive and dynamic. It can involve yodeling, hair pulling and crawling the fine line between pain and pleasure.

But sometimes the best sex is quiet, gentle and timeless. I call this peaceful sex. And there are three beautiful ways to get there. Each requires being present. I will get to these three in a moment but first let’s have a look at where we are going: peace.

Peace

I received a call last night from a good/romantic friend. Her blue eyes lit up my FaceTime screen.

She isn’t young, but she looked vibrant, ageless and present.

I asked her what she would call how she felt at that moment. “Nothing,” she replied.

I have seen “nothing” before and this wasn’t that.

She was present with nowhere to be and nothing to do. She was in a peaceful place, but didn’t know it. Most of us know ourselves by being busy, focusing on the past or future and keeping moving. She was still, untainted by time and space.

“Oh, it would be nice to have sex with you when you are at peace,” I said.

“Yes,” she purred. “Let’s do.”

Peace brings a whole new dimension to sex. Getting to peace in our fast paced, busy world often isn’t easy. Let’s explore how you might experience more peace, so you can enjoy peaceful sex.

Finding peace

To discover peace your mind quiets and attention focuses on your body.

While this may sound simple, minds are seldom quiet and, except during certain times, we tend to focus attention away from our bodies.

Often it’s a tug-of-war to get your attention from your mind and into your body.

The three keys I will share with you entail pulling: pulling your attention back to your body so you can be more present, peaceful and passionate.

The first pull is from past and future into the present. The second is pulling the scrotum all the way to peace, and the third is a labia pull.

Pulling your attention to your body makes you peaceful. And once peaceful you can experience peaceful sex.

Peaceful Mind Pull

Throughout a busy day we do a lot of time travel. We imagine the things we must do tomorrow, getting the kids to soccer practice, saving for retirement or what we might like for our birthday…which isn’t until July.

We also journey to the past, trying to remember where we left our keys, what a friend said to us, and traumas and pleasures from when we were younger. Anytime that anything in our current environment reminds us of something from the past, we lose touch with the present moment and focus on the past.

To pull yourself into the present is to notice what is right here, right now. It is to hear the robin’s song this spring morning, to feel the sun on your back and to taste each bite of your breakfast.

Noticing your breathing pulls you closer to the present too, as does focusing attention on physical sensations.

Become a noticer of what is around you: what do you see, hear and feel in this moment. Consistently pull your attention back to the present and you will experience more presence and be on your way to peace and peaceful sex.

Peaceful Scrotum Pull

Scrotums are close neighbors to the site of sexual action, but are often neglected. With a little attention they can offer a context for peaceful sex.

Often providing that attention takes the form of touch. And how you touch genitalia makes all the difference. Touch confidently but not boldly, not analytically like a doctor might, or obliviously like an embarrassed lover does.

Cradle the scrotum in a hand; its not breakable, but might be a little shy. Focus your attention on the nuances of its physical presence and its energetic presence too.

Feel the scrotum, and at the same time imagine what it feels like for the scrotum to be touched. In other words: get curious about what the scrotum wants.

What it wants is expansive attention. It’s huddled all day and night long, unseen, unnoticed and under-appreciated. The solution for this is to gently offer it the opposite of what it is used to.

Offer it attention and expansiveness—this is where the scrotum pull comes in. Once you have said an attentional, intentional, tactile “hello” to the scrotum it is time to pull.

The scrotum virtually shrinks up and into the body, and to pull you take a gentle handful of scrotum and begin pulling out and down from the body.

Pull slowly, evenly, increasing pressure as the area around the scrotum relaxes. This pull is likely to take several—even up to 10 or 15—minutes, so make sure that you are physically comfortable and able to maintain the pull for as long as it takes.

With the pull comes an equal and opposite relaxation that is the basis of peace. As the scrotum relaxes there may be sighs of relief and pleasure. These are not likely to be sexual pleasure, but deep relaxation. The sexual pleasure will come in later in the form of peaceful sex.

Continue to pull while monitoring your partner. As in all aspects of sex and sensuality, feedback is vital here: both physical and verbal.

This is not an endurance contest. In fact, it will be a very subtle indication letting you know a pulling session is over. No need to hurry, don’t rush it but also don’t hang on too long.

After several pulling sessions, spaced over several days or weeks, you will really get the hang of it. You will be able to relax your partner easily and follow up with peaceful sex.

Peaceful Labia Pull

The labia pull is very much like the scrotum pull—all the same suggestions apply. But you are likely to quickly discover a question.

How much of the lips to grip, and how in the world to grip them?

The answer to these questions is experiential. Grip as much lip as you do and discover what works for both you and your partner. This is not something you do once. In fact, if you want more peace and peaceful sex, do it often.

As with everything else you will become better at it through practice. Sometimes the pull will only take a minute or two, other times, when your partner is really stressed or if it has been a long time since the last pull it may take a full 15 minutes.

You can’t do anything wrong here. Because you can adjust what you are doing. But remember that it is the consistent pull that generates peace.

As with the scrotum pull you will get indications that the pull is over; there is likely to be a subtle shift of attention in your partner, not in yourself.

When you are pulling do your best to have that be all you are doing. Pulling while thinking about tomorrow’s meeting or what you will have for dinner later isn’t being present while pulling.

Pulling Your Way to Peace

Make pulling to the present, scrotum pulls and labia pulls a part of your repertoire.

The peace that these three bring makes life, love and sex more rewarding. Peace offers you a wealth of possibilities and relaxation too.

Peaceful sex leads to a good night’s sleep and an attentive, relaxed day.

You deserve a break today, and peace is just the break you need. Pull your way to peace often and you will become a peaceful person contributing to this being a peaceful planet.

 

 

 

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Author: Jerry Stocking

Editor: Travis May 

Image: Pixabay

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