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March 31, 2016

Forget Letting Go—If You Truly Want Someone, Go After Them.

Khánh Hmoong/Flickr

There’s a woman who fails to escape my thoughts throughout each day and before I fall asleep each night.

I’m scared she’ll reject me or that the timing is off.

I know this is just fear—building a wall between me and the potential to create a splendid, lasting relationship with someone whom I perceive could be a great fit. Or, at least an opportunity to cultivate an amazing friendship.

But if we truly want someone, we must go after them.

There’s no shame at the end of the day, when someone has courageously acted in the face of their own fears. Yes, we may encounter rejection or embarrassment. We may make a fool of ourselves all in the name of attraction and heart-fluttering love.

We’ll never be fully prepared to enter this proverbial battlefield of love. Sure there are books and experts and advice to help bring us closer to that loving embrace we all long for—secretly, desperately—but our own fears are what so often stand between us and our potential mate.

A single missing piece of a jig saw puzzle, rendering it incomplete—collecting dust in the attic of our minds. The picture of who this person is, still not completely clear.

Whoever they are—this magical, mysterious, beautiful soul our hearts sing to—where are they?

Is it the woman from work whom we have a lighthearted crush on? Or the man who makes us tremble with excitement and unrelenting butterflies in our stomach?

I believe the man or woman of our dreams may be closer than we think.

Every time I’ve put myself out there, only to be dismayed by the reality that this person was actually not the one, has ultimately guided me closer to the right type of partner.

It’s also granted me the opportunity to continue improving upon my own flaws and the conscious-awareness of who I am. This solo relationship has been a blessing in disguise. I’ve been able to delve further into the much-needed self-love that has escaped me for so long.

It has strengthened my foresight—knowing sooner if a person resonates or not, no matter how physically attractive she might be. And as I’ve begun trusting my intuition and cultivating more love within, I’ve noticed how much more content I am with my life.

I accept myself on a deeper level and am humored by the idea that I ever needed someone else to begin with. But I’ve also matured and reached the point in my life where companionship fits.

All the silly ways I asked women out in the past, to no avail, have given me strength and patience to remove the stigma of being authentic. Skimming over the facade that so often encompasses dating to instead, get down and dirty—real with who we are right from the get-go.

If you really want to surf through every person who could be wrong for you, be yourself—nothing less and nothing more. This will surely turn off those who we think are right, but might be toxic, oppressive or soul-stunting.

A perk of this is that the potential for friendship always looms. I’ve discovered better, more wholesome friendships transpire when we don’t dive in. It doesn’t take long, when physical intimacy and sexual intercourse are bypassed, to realize whether we’re compatible with someone or not.

Once we’ve pierced through the veil of illusion—that mask of love or lust we so often get swept up in, we can clearly see the person for who they truly are. We can appreciate them.

I can’t sit here and claim that the next person we approach will be “the one” or guess how long it will take to find them. But sometimes, acting spontaneously and with humility, no matter how uncomfortable or how much we flounder, will get us the results we crave.

Ditch the lines and instead dig deep for something that emanates with who we truly are as a person. And if someone is turned off by our advances, just remember that this speaks volumes more about them than it does us.

We can always walk away with our dignity intact so long as our gesture was pure and not grounded in expectation.

Be patient. This isn’t about pressure—and if we find it difficult to maintain our composure, to me, that’s a sign that the energies simply aren’t resonating.

Finding the right fit is like attempting to find another us in this world. Sure, we’re always searching for someone we can relate to, but a mature, conscious person who’s aware of themselves spiritually and mentally is capable of accepting and embracing the differences in others and loving them unconditionally.

The right person will undoubtedly love us for exactly who we are and show us through acts of kindness. Words are superficial when compared to what we do—the little things that demonstrate we care and are attentive to a new friendship, a budding partnership or seasoned marriage.

Now, it’s time for me to follow my own advice—whether I falter or succeed.

Because there’s rarely a chance that the world is actually going to end if things don’t pan out the way we thought they might. There is always someone out there and if we trust in the creative forces, our heart’s intent and the intuitive wisdom that has never failed us, we will surely meet them—either in this life or the next.

We’re seeking our counterpart and in my opinion, finding the one who can accept us at our best and our worst, is worth the wait. But remember, commitment begins with one’s self first.

Author: Thayne Ulschmid

Editor: Nicole Cameron

Image: Khánh Hmoong/Flickr

 

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Thayne Ulschmid