March 10, 2016

Why we Don’t Show Up in our Lives: F.O.B.S. Syndrome.


Hernán Piñera/Flickr

“She had blue skin, and so did he. He kept it hid and so did she. They searched for blue their whole life through, then passed right by—and never knew.” ~ Masks, Shel Silverstein


What are we missing by not showing up in our lives?

We are already good, kind and spiritual people.


Could we be better? Probably.

Could we be happier? Indeed.

Could we become more stable in our emotions? Absolutely!

Could we achieve great things? Yes. Yes. Yes.

So, what’s stopping us?

There’s a good chance that ever since childhood, a lot of us have been suffering from this particular syndrome without even knowing it—the Fear of Being Seen.

The Fear of Being Seen Syndrome can plague us our whole life if we don’t recognize it. It will rob us of our truth, paralyze us from achieving any kind of success and create a cycle of self-doubt and limiting beliefs.

Imagine that you are the sole owner of the biggest, brightest, clearest and finest diamond in the entire world. What do you do? Wear it around your neck everywhere you go? Or keep it somewhere hidden where you know it will be safe?

Now, imagine that diamond…is you.

You are this beautiful, one of a kind gem. You’re priceless. So what do you do? Do you put yourself out there, lay your truth bare, stand naked in Times Square to show off your radiance? No…often, we hide it. We keep it safe. We protect it.

Or, at least that’s what we’ve been telling ourselves we’re doing.

For years, it’s what we told ourselves. We were so afraid of being seen, of someone discovering the real us. Of being recognized for who we really are. Of being noticed for our kindness, our thoughts, our words, our deeds, and most importantly…our hearts.

Yet, at the same time, we were dying for someone to see beyond what we showed, hoping that some magic stare from some magical person could break through all the falsities and just see…us. If it happened like that, we would know that we were safe.

Ultimately, it is a fear of being hurt, rejected, judged, criticized, and raising the bar of expectations (for others and ourselves); a fear of not being able to go backwards, a fear of not recognizing ourselves, of losing the relationship we have with ourselves; a fear of being inadequate, of not feeling like enough. Basically, the entire dictionary of fears!

Personally, no matter what I did, I couldn’t shake these fears off my shoulders. I collected all my insecurities like jewelry and decorated myself with them. For years, I felt heavy, unaware of the invisible weight I was carrying around with me.

Eventually, we grow and gain some perspective, some self-love and self-respect.

We learn to love ourselves, want ourselves and choose ourselves the way we wanted others to.

It may take a while, but eventually we start to value and appreciate our strengths, our talents, our gifts, our uniqueness and our general awesomeness.

Whether you’re a great listener, a supportive mother, a patient friend, a giving lover, a fair spouse, a grateful traveler—you learn to appreciate what makes you you. Yet, there is some underlying belief that still limits your subconscious in terms of what you can do. Usually, things that push us outside of our comfort zone feel impossible. What stops us from following our passion? It’s like cruising on the freeway when all of a sudden the car ahead of you slams on the brakes. We snap back to “reality.”

Why can’t our aliveness be the reality?

We know that we have so much more to offer, to give away, to learn, to see, to be!

The Fear of Being Seen is causing us to hide that. By hiding it from others, we automatically start to hide it from ourselves. We forget who we are and what we’re capable of. By hiding, we are blocking the flow of energy, we are not allowing what is meant for us to come into our lives.

So, the question is, how do we show up?

How do we reach a state of full expression, without limitations or restrictions?

How do we let ourselves be, completely, unapologetically, openly, strongly, and wholeheartedly?

How do we let go of our fear of being more that what we thought we were capable of?

How do we fall into all this gorgeous glory?

Are we even capable of it, does it even belong to us?

Yes—because it is us!

The first step of showing up is to be present in your life, and to be present, you must want to live in your reality. Otherwise, you will always be creating an alternate to escape. We must realize that we are the ones who choose our life.
Our life is a story and we are the main character—it’s up to us whether that is the hero, the villain or the victim.

But ultimately, it’s our choice. We can hold so many titles, play so many characters. Just choose the one that fits you best. The one that you feel most alive, beautiful and seen in.

Every day we can choose to be the hero. The warrior. The kindness agent. The dream maker. The philosopher. The gardener. The healer. The photographer. The artist. The musician. The nomad. The label-breaker. The seamstress. The butterfly. The leaf. The sun rays. The treasure. The diamond. The student. The guest. The star. The instrument. The raindrop. The feather. The cloud. The ocean. The rock. The scientist. The lotus. The dragon. The swan. The passenger. The key. The pearl. The projector. The blank page. The entire damn Saga.

You are a soul. You are Concentrated Energy. Know this. Know the light that you hold. The power within.

Know your worth. Discover you’re limitless. Admire yourself.

We are everything we have ever searched for—

We are love,

We are peace,

We are happiness,

We are truth,

We are beauty,

We are bliss.

Know this.

Feel this.

Be this.

Allow yourself to shine through all the fears around you, and just…


Dear Reader, I beg of you…remember your divinity.


Author: Dolly Mahtani

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Hernán Piñera/Flickr 

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