April 17, 2016

I Dream of a Committed Relationship but Choose to Stay Single & this is Why.

Flickr/陳 小柒

There are multiple factors that come into play as to why we’ve largely chosen to remain alone or maybe more accurately, why we’ve been chosen to remain single for now—those of us who might be learning how to live authentically again.

Despite having a very vivid appreciation for an attractive woman’s intellect, wisdom and what stirs her soul, there’s so much soul work for me to accomplish personally that I’d likely be repeating many of the mistakes I’ve made in the past that still need to be worked out, resolved and overcome.

Every day of our lives is an opportunity to present ourselves authentically, daring to show up as who we are and voicing what we believe in our heart, mind and spirit. This can come at a great cost to the fragile façade we were led to believe in.

Once we’ve escaped the vicious cycle of toxic relationships, nonetheless scathed and barely coherent, we’re able to sort ourselves out over time as we learn to face the raw nature of love and imperfection in this sometimes god-forsaken world.

I miss that intimacy and companionship—even the moments that are difficult and make relationships challenging. The dynamics of that physical proximity—two wild and untamable lions caged together in a manufactured, make-believe reality—squared off with the creative liberation of heart to explore vividly without restraint or consequence.

Eventually, we must be set free to liberate our true nature, restoring clarity and living authentically.

Self-exploration is the reflective nature of relationships and the introspective shadow work that’s required for individual and collective soul growth and it’s not often pretty to face—especially when we’re alone. It can be a scary experience of isolation and the inexplicable nightmares we’ll inevitably transcend if our unity of spirit, heart and mind are in unison. This equilibrium tempers our need to seek outside ourselves.

Time offers solace to the heart and forgiveness under its wing—eternally scarred but more together now than previously known. We can learn to accept our gifts and receive with appreciation while brimming with gratitude and generosity.

Subtle energies are some of our most sensitive energies, the ones which make our bellies flutter, our loins ignite and our hearts explode with a brilliant Caspian glow of love. Bursting intuition, insights and fleeting moments of realization spill forth into our consciousness; bridging new pathways in life with renewed senses of well-being and activity.

From an empathic standpoint, at least while one is learning about their own inherent sensitivities, it can be incredibly hard to distinguish just who we are and who we’re not—the lines continually blurred and that separation incredibly hard to decipher or at least until we’ve learned to be alone and embrace ourselves more naturally in hopefully, a safer space.

Learning how to shield and create healthy boundaries protects and reflects our good nature. We’re likely to be tested routinely throughout our lives, whether opportune or not. Being authentic is the way through.

Speaking for myself, I’m here to change and grow—hopefully someday with someone else by my side who I can share honest, deep and abiding intimacy with in addition to that ultimate spiritual and intellectual connection and sexual prowess with as well.

Discovering who we once were, shedding light on our suffering and accepting our authentic nature—wrought with untold emotions and memories transmutes our souls; we’re re-born.

Retreating into what’s familiar will never offer us new perspectives quite like turning towards and facing the unknown instead—trodden with uncertainty; free-falling through the depths of our darkest nature which has eluded our conscious awareness. Our very souls and the polarities that are uniquely us yet universally bound to all that exists finally merge—birthing into our consciousness.

Believe me, it’s tempting to knock on old doors and to delve back into what our intuition assures us is nothing different than it was before. Our actions will dictate whether we’re devoted to a path of authenticity or slow death.

Learning to become a decent human being through forgiveness and eventual transparency is like a million needles prodding me as we speak. Overcoming self-consciousness and accepting the universal nature of this wonderful human experience can be awe-inspiring and utterly frightening—so much so that it may very well alter the course of our lives.

What really matters is how well two people get along now as imperfect human beings and whether our flaws are accepted unconditionally for as long as a union might last. It starts with each person learning to accept themselves unconditionally over time and reflecting the same outward. This magnetic attraction is what draws our experience to us—attracting or repelling our wants and needs based around how we’re aligned within.

It’s an expression of our authentic nature and that’s beautiful.


Author: Thayne Ulschmid

Editor: Erin Lawson

Images: Flickr/KAYA   //   Flickr/陳 小柒



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