Growing up I have memories of my mother being the most caring and thoughtful person I knew.
She constantly went out of her way to help us as kids, and over and above to help out friends in need. I remember simple things like her serving us dinner and making sure that there was plenty for everyone, before she so much as sat down to whatever there was left for herself.
At the time I admired this quality in her, she was my Mum, and I could see how much she loved us. Not only did she show us how much she loved us, but she also told us too. At night when she tucked me into bed she would often say the words “I love you with all of my heart”. I would smile temporary and then often drift off to sleep wondering how it was possible for her to love me with all of her heart. I would wonder if she really did that what would be left for her?
As a mother of two boys now, with twins on the way, I find myself struggling with this whole notion of what’s mine and what’s yours in our family unit. I have ideas about what a devoted mother looks like from my own upbringing, but as I start to move in circles of a different generation of women, women who are seeking more, and not being satisfied with whatever “leftovers” there are available in the family, I find myself constantly questioning what is the story I have been told about motherhood, and what feels true for me?
I am thankful every day for the Mother that I chose. She taught me empathy and compassion, she showed me unconditional love, and she was a warrior in my eyes who raised four children almost entirely on her own. I am the woman I am because of the lessons I learnt from being her child and I would not of wanted it any other way. However, when I think about how I want to be as mother, and the challenges I face, I know that this is shaped remarkably by my experience as her daughter.
So now, on Mother’s Day I am inclined to tap into my own inner-Mother or inner-wise-woman and see where I am truly at with all of this stuff.
I can see you struggling right now. I can see the love that you are pouring into those little boys and how it feels like there is not much left for you. I see you honoring how different they are to each other and making time for each of them to have their individual needs met. I see the importance you place on connection and being fully present with them. I see that they are actually getting exactly what they need from you right now, through your strengths and challenges as a Mum, just as you did from your own Mother.
I wonder what it would feel like to try a little less hard—to spend a little less time up in your head thinking about the right way to handle things and more time in your body, in the moment, trusting that it will know exactly what to do. It might not be the right way, but it will be your way, and that will be just right for your kids. I feel like your energy is not being drained by what is actually going on at the moment, but rather on the amount of time you spend in story about what is going on.
Sweet Mother, you are tired and I know that you are not only looking after two little boys, but you are also growing two more special little humans inside of you. I want to tell you that you are doing enough. You have always done enough and you will always be enough for your children.
I want to honor you this Mother’s Day for all that you are. For feeling like you are being stretched like a rubber band that is about to snap, yet still when you take time, you find that it can slowly come back together and one would never even know how far it was stretched. I see how far you stretch and it is enough.
So enough of the beating yourself up! Good enough is good enough, and most of all you give a shit about being a Mother.
I love and honor you as a Mother this Mother’s Day. I also honor your Mother, and your Mother’s Mother, and all of the generations of Mother’s that came before you in your family. You come from a line of strong and courageous women who each did the best they could with the resources they had available to them at the time.
I celebrate your journey of self-discovery and your thirst for knowledge in everything that you do. I will always encourage you to ‘do’ less and ‘be’ more.
In love and gratitude for all that you are,
Your Inner Wise Woman x
Author: Angela Boyle
Editor: Sara Kärpänen
Photo: Alena Getman / Flickr