*warning: f-bombs dropped below!
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There are a few songs so filled with longing and desire that I cannot listen to them when I’m feeling the slightest bit lonely.

It’s amazing how powerful music can be and how moved we can find ourselves just by a particular lyric or melody. The songs filled with the most longing and desire are often older ones, though our generation has many songs that would qualify as well.

For me, Moon River is filled with immense loneliness and longing, desire and love. On a day like today, when my soul feels raw, and my emotions are all over the board, I won’t listen to them. I can’t. As it is, I’ve never been able to listen to Unchained Melody without crying. Moon River has always touched my heart, but lately the loneliness in it is overwhelming.

For days like today when everything seems to have gone wrong in the space of a few hours, I need music that will move me forward, not keep me stuck in my longing and sadness. I don’t need wistfulness on difficult days. I need hope. I find my hope in Glen Hansard’s Bird of Sorrow. Yes, the title sounds so very sad, but the message is filled with hope.

“Even if a day feels too long
You feel like you can’t wait another one
You’re slowly givin’ up on everything
Love is gonna find you again

Love is gonna find you, you better be ready then

You been kneelin’ in the dark for far too long
You’ve been waitin’ for that spark, but it hasn’t come
Well I’m callin’ to you, please, get off the floor
A good heart will find you again

A good heart will find you, just be ready then

Tethered to a bird of sorrow
A voice that’s buried in the hollow
You’ve given over to self-deceivin’
Your prostrate bowed would not be leavin’
You’ve squandered more than you could borrow
You’ve bet your joys on all tomorrows
For the hope of some returnin’
While everything around just burnin’

Come on, we gotta get out, get out of this mess we made
And still for all our talk, we’re both so afraid
Will we leave this up to chance, like we do everything?
Love is gonna find us again

Love is gonna find us, we gotta be ready then

Tethered to a bird of sorrow
A voice that’s buried in the hollow
You’ve given over to self-deceivin’
Your prostrate bowed would not be leavin’
You’ve squandered more than you could borrow
You’ve bet your joys on all tomorrows
For the hope of some returnin’
While everything around you’s burnin’

But I’m not leavin’ you yet”

What I hold on to is “Will we leave this up to chance like we do everything?” There’s so much possibility in those words because we can see that we don’t have to leave our lives up to chance.

I’m so damn sad today. Someone I really liked stood me up today. Oh, it’s not the first time this kind of thing has happened, and I somehow doubt it will be the last, but he didn’t seem to be a person who would be intentionally unkind. Though, really, f*ck people’s intentions if what they do still hurts others. The action matters, every bit as much as the intention.

It often seems like we have an entire generation that operates outside of basic common courtesy. Or perhaps I’m just noticing a trend of emotional immaturity. To give perspective, I’m in my mid 30s. I’m single after having been married for some time. I’m a single mother. In the dating world, I’m finding honesty to be rare, and as I talk to other single friends (of both genders) I’m hearing the same thing.

What we need is a dating revolution.

We need people who are unabashedly honest, while still maintaining basic kindness. We need people who show up or call and say they won’t show up. We need people who arrive and even if they have baggage they can admit they have the baggage. They can talk about it. We need to be those people. We need to show up and be present, even if we find that our interest isn’t what we’d hoped. We still need to be decent f*cking people because other people need kindness, too. And when we move on, we just say that. But while we’re there, while we’re in that relationship (defined or not), we need to be fully present. We need to put our whole hearts in it. We deserve someone who is there with us, completely. They deserve that, too.

So bring on the revolution because what we don’t need is any more dishonesty. Duplicity. Disrespect. Unkindness. We all have fragile hearts, and so many of us are taking a beating because other people don’t really care if their actions kick the sh*t out of those fragile hearts. And yet so many of us walk around, so very careful of not hurting others.

I’m hanging on to the hope today. “Love is gonna find us, we gotta be ready then.” So we’ll take care of ourselves. We’ll walk away from unkindness when we see it. We won’t settle for less than what we deserve. And we’ll make our lives beautiful and full and filled with meaning. We’ll take ourselves on dates and treat ourselves so well that when Mr. (or Mrs.) Right comes along they’ll know how to treat us.

When our love comes, we’ll be good and ready.

In the meantime, we’ll lead the dating revolution with both kindness and honesty because there’s so goddamn little of it out there, and we have hearts that deserve a little more care than that. And we’ll hold on, refusing to be tethered any longer to that bird of sorrow. We’ll reach out for our chance with open hearts, and love is going to find us. We’ll be ready then.

Moon River—Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Glen Hansard—Bird Of Sorrow

Author: Crystal Jackson

Editor: Sara Kärpänen

Photo: Bernard Bodo, EXIT photo team / Wikimedia