August 8, 2016

Lessons Learned from Dating an Awakened Man.


Relationships with “awakened men” generally teach us a lot—about ourselves and about love.

I dated such a man when I was just starting my own soul journey. The relationship has served as a catalyst for my own growth and awakening. Our story forced me to reflect and dig deep in order to truly understand the meaning of our interactions, which seemed unusual or hard to handle at times.

Here is what I’ve understood and would like to share with any woman confronted by a similar situation.

“Relationships are productive, challenging, and sometimes painful. They are one of the most profound ways our soul learn and grow.” ~ Judy Hall

Individuals who have embarked on the path of self-discovery need a lot of alone time. The healing process they’re undertaking requires space for introspection and self-care. Consequently, their partners should accept this as a fact—sooner better than later.

The most valuable resource these individuals can offer in a relationship is time. Allowing a love partner into their life is a deep opening.

Furthermore, to embrace the soul path is to step away from the molds and rules that are imposed on our beings, and as such may not match our expectations. It means putting our masks down and accepting our dark emotions, as attaining wholeness demands embracing every discomfort that may arise from within.

A man going through awakening is vulnerable. Any outside person must be particularly understanding and interested in deep talks. Shadow material (sadness, anger) may surface often—directly triggered by the relationship or not—and become part of the couple’s everyday life.

An awakened man may have difficulties in scheduling or keeping appointments, but this doesn’t mean he isn’t willing to see where a relationship may lead.

These men have chosen presence in order to follow their heart’s guidance on a daily basis. That’s why their behavior may change often. Such men may refuse any form of commitment in order to ensure they can continue to act on how they feel at every moment. Consequently, they may not be able to speak or contemplate a shared future.

I wouldn’t recommend such loves to a woman who needs a lot of attention or promises about what’s ahead.

These relationships are only desirable for a woman who doesn’t “need—per se—to be comforted, protected, or rescued by her partner.

The women who don’t see things that way should either seek love elsewhere, or persevere in order to learn. In any case, they must understand beforehand that the experience may be challenging.

Such relationships teach patience. They force us to find strength and self-love within, which accelerates the awakening process. They ask us to remain comfortable—even within a relationship with an individual who is sometimes unsure of their feelings.

I would recommend seeing such relationships as soul growing experiences: beyond the lessons they may offer, it’s not always necessary to stay.

There is a risk of putting the needs of one’s partner first, forgetting about ourselves for the sake of the relationship. At this point, a relationship becomes unhealthy. Both individuals should be committed to making the relationship work out.

When a partner isn’t opening—when our efforts meet no sign of reciprocity and the relationship shows no sign of improvement—this may be the sign that it isn’t meant to be.

It may then be time to leave.

The lure of freedom to which awakened men often refer can unfortunately serve as a pretext to remain at the edge of relationships, stay away from commitment or avoid penetrating conversations.

They may not be willing to dig further into themselves and work on the issues brought up by relationship. Yet it is relationships that truly shake us.

“Few experiences in life as relationships reach such remote and uncultivated regions of the heart, unearthing material that is both incredibly fertile and frighteningly primordial.” ~ Judy Hall

Awakened men sometimes pause significant parts of their own personal growth by avoiding the inner work that surfaces from relationships. This is, paradoxically, in the name of spiritual evolution.

From that experience, I’ve learned that a few “infallible love rules” don’t always apply:

1. The most significant relationships of our lives aren’t always those that flow easily or last—but the ones that make us reflect on the core of our feelings.

2. Love isn’t always enough. Both partners must have comparable expectations. For spiritual individuals, a shared commitment to soul growth is important.

“It doesn’t matter how two people love one another if they are developmentally incompatible, or if they don’t have a same willingness to become conscious. That’s why we call it a relationship, and not a ‘loveship'” ~ Jeff Brown

3. Sometimes our expectations aren’t compatible, or one of the partners isn’t able to offer what the other is waiting for—even if love is there. It is our responsibility to see that gap, leave the relationship if that’s what’s needed, and possibly develop another form of bonding, such as friendship.

4. Even when a relationship becomes difficult, it’s always interesting to persevere for a while. Love is one of the most powerful tools that the soul may use to grow. The more uncomfortable it feels, the more we may learn. Even if a romantic situation isn’t meant to last and both partners part ways, the lessons that were drawn out by the soul will always remain. Often, awakened men, consciously or not, are great teachers.

“No major human relationship is the result of chance.” ~ Gina Germinara

When a woman meets a man who acts as a catalyst for her own soul growth, it means that she was meant to embrace that road—and that he was there to teach.


Author: Sophie Gregoire

Image: lucahennig/Flickr

Apprentice Editor: Pauline Holden; Editor: Toby Israel


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