“There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover’s whisper, irresistible—magic to make the sanest man go mad.” ~ The Iliad
We often use the term “making love” to describe sex, but we are love. Sex is just a beautiful way to express love by connecting two beings physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The sexual passion in a relationship can be short-lived, like an annual plant or ever-changing and everlasting, like a perennial.
There is a myth that suggests it is inevitable for the fire and flame in relationships to dissolve. Veteran couples often say the “honeymoon phase” should be enjoyed while it lasts, and the feelings of intense romance are only temporary. But I believe all of Earth’s elements should exist in love, especially the fire. Sexual rays of energy shared between lovers can continue reaching new elevations of euphoria and depths of desire.
Perennial passion leads to healthy, elevated sex and is essential in exclaiming and exalting our unyielding adoration toward our partners. Like gardens, relationships experience seasons of dormancy and stress and require attention and dedication. Below are some practices that can help cultivate the passion and intimacy in our relationships.
1. Meditate together. During the ambrosial hours of the morning take a moment to be present together before the sun rises, without distractions. Sit across from each other and simply breathe. After the last exhale, pause to notice how the energy feels around you and within you, then connect with your eyes and hands. Consistent meditation amplifies passion, and as a result, sex—because it allows you to feel and accept every sensation of the present moment.
2. Hug mindfully. Thich Nhat Hahn said, “True love is made of mindfulness.” Love craves closeness. Hugging can be a profound experience when done mindfully and energetically. Invite your mind to be present as you embrace, deepening and lengthening your breaths until you are breathing in unison. It may feel like a hugging meditation. Caressing in such a way can arouse every cell in your body. When you feel your lover’s resistance to let you go, it makes you excited to reunite in the evening.
3. Express gratitude. As we become more comfortable with our partners, it becomes easier to share negativity. This can erode sexual passion. We need to be mindful of the frequencies we release into our atmosphere. Instead of venting or complaining, share moments of beauty and inspiration. Every day we should express gratitude for our partner’s presence in our lives. Show your lover that he or she is appreciated and admired.
“True love is admiration.” ~ Plato
4. Be creative with time. A few nights a week, dedicate your evening to sharing personal interests. My partner and I love sharing passages from the books we are reading. We learn so much from each other during these moments. Sometimes we play music and slow dance on the patio under the shelter of the trees and ceiling of stars. Other times we turn the room into a candle-lit massage chamber and explore and nurture each other with our hands. When the television is off, we have opportunities to share our unique visions of our future together.
5. Make out. Kissing uncontrollably is one of the best parts about the honeymoon phase. Frequent and fervent kissing can prevent you and your partner from feeling like roommates. Even when life is busy, make it a priority to unite your lips.
“Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said to be carried in one’s breath.” ~ Eve Glicksman
6. Gaze into your lover’s eyes. This practice is simple, but deeply engaging and arousing. Learn to communicate with your eyes. Tell each other, “I see you. I am with you. I am in awe of you. I love you,” without saying a word. This practice has miraculous powers when used during intercourse. Humans need affirmation, and there is beauty in words that don’t use a voice.
7. Stay healthy. Being healthy, having self-discipline, and caring about self-growth is sexy. Health is deeper than physical appearance. When we are not on a quest towards our best self we may feel dull, lethargic and disconnected. Prana is the essential energy, the life force that flows through all living things and is exchanged during sexual intercourse. We must learn to modulate our prana by cultivating practices that rejuvenate and revitalize. When we exercise, eat well and breathe from the diaphragm, we have more energy and confidence to emanate sexual radiance.
8. Connect with nature. Nature offers so much magical beauty, surrounding us with romance. Listen to the sensual whispers of the wind and love songs of the birds. Become mesmerized by the stars sparkling in the sky. Feel the earth beneath your bare feet, while ribbons of color dance across the sunset horizon. See the veins of a leaf in your partner’s arms and the ocean in his eyes. Become one with your lover under the influence of nature, and you can experience sex in another dimension.
9. Separate work from love. In the early stages of love, my partner and I easily separated work and stress from our relationship. We shared the highs and lows of our day, not really the in-betweens. All the space in-between was filled with adoration and obsession. Instead of filling silence with empty or heavy words, we showered each other with affection, poetry and love. By choosing to be together, instead of dragging the work day home, we could spend nights and weekends locked up in a sensual sanctuary, escaping reality to a euphoric realm of ecstasy.
10. Stay true to yourself. Having our own interests, hobbies and opinions is essential in maintaining our independence. When we acquire self-mastery, we overflow with inspiration, beauty and creativity. My lover is not my other half. I am complete on my own. We are binary stars orbiting each other so closely, we appear to be a single star. Susan Taylor said: “Liberation comes from within; there is no dependency. Both man and woman have a mutual journey to blend strengths. Since we have a desire for sex, use that desire to lead you toward enlightenment.”
The intimacy and passion in our relationships is not destined to dissipate. Since my partner and I dove into the sea of love, it’s been an adventure of discovering new ways to express our affection. We still attack each other primitively, attempting to satiate our insatiable desire for one another. Even though I see him every day, the sound of his footsteps on the front porch after work is still my favorite song. We believe sex is a significant part of our relationship. Because passion is a priority to us, it will hopefully continue blooming for many seasons to come.
“Sex, of all human acts, is the best expression of the interconnectedness of all things on earth and in the universe. The union of two is the union of all. “ ~ Susan Taylor
Author: Katherine Cross
Image: Deviant Art/MementoMori-stock; author’s own.
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina