This is an article for the men out there who are scared of women.
For the men who run away as soon as there is a stirring in their heart and when they feel desire. Men who fear losing their freedom, their resources, their sanity—and for men who fear being hurt by women.
I have observed men run away from me many times. Sometimes the reason for their sudden departure was clear. Most times it was confusing; confusing because while their words justified why I wasn’t the one for them, their bodies and their eyes told a different story. Confusing because even though they claimed to want nothing from me, they kept coming back.
I am an intuitive woman and after many years of life experience, I can safely say that I know when a man desires me. I know when someone loves me, whether in the platonic or romantic sense. There is no need to explain how and why—I just know.
I feel anxious about this and I wonder if there are enough men out there who aren’t afraid of me and of other women. I wonder if there is someone out there for me who is brave enough to overcome his fears and tell me that he loves me for all that I am.
I know this fear in men is real and there is no denying its source or its impact. I know this fear is probably the result of a painful experience with another woman—mother, sister, girlfriend, wife.
I am a woman, but I am not her. I am not the woman from your past who hurt you.
I know this because not long ago I too realised that you are not him. You are not the man from the past who hurt me.
I understand this fear deeply and I want to do everything I can to show you that I am not like them. If only you give me a chance.
I have spent years learning to understand myself and in loving each and every part of me. I have done this not only for me, but for my future partner, as well. I have loved myself through everything so that whether I am with myself or with you, my only intention is to be love.
I am not perfect. I want to learn to love you just as you are.
Let me in…
Recently over a glass of wine, a friend said to me, “ You know, I am going to meet someone very loving and amazing. I know this because I finally love myself so deeply that I can only ever attract someone just as loving as me.”
I couldn’t agree more. I said, “Me too!”
Even though I agreed with her, I felt scared. I was scared that even though I had reached the pinnacle of self-love in my life, I still had men run from me. While I can see that this is my fear and there may be several valid reasons for this (including the last few who ran away without saying why), the real reason is that even though I am ready and capable of loving a man very deeply, I don’t trust men and I don’t see men as strong or capable.
I finally know why they away from me. I realise they are not scared of being hurt by me. They are scared of what they see in my eyes—mistrust and deep disappointment.
The bitter truth I find myself facing is that even after I’ve reconciled my past, every day I am exposed to countless narratives of various men-related incidents. As I shared an article today on narcissists, I realised that I was disillusioned and my faith in men and their strength has become weak.
Actually who am I kidding, it’s actually almost non-existent.
I grew up with a “strong” mother and a “weak” father. I am surrounded each day by stories of men raping, abusing and hurting women. I read every other day about manipulative and narcissistic men.
No wonder each time I see a man who stirs me and who lights me up, I look at him longingly, hoping that he can change this narrative and restore my belief in “man” kind.
Tough ask? Who can measure up to this crazy expectation?
No wonder they run when they see the challenge in my eyes.
I am waiting for this realisation to settle inside me so that the next time I look into his eyes, what he sees is not a challenge, but a hopeful and tired soul longing to be held and loved. So that next time we touch, what he feels is my desire to trust and love him deeply.
While articles on men (and women) are valid and required to raise awareness, I feel it is important to realise that projecting the behaviour of one (or more than one) onto every man has resulted in a huge divide between men and women.
Culturally, we no longer trust each other and this plays out and shows up in all aspects on our life.
I don’t know how to change this on a global scale, but I have a deep desire to change myself.
Love is all I desire—not your money, not your status, not your freedom.
Let me in and let me show you how I love.
I finally trust you and surrender to you with my heart open and eyes closed.
Can you do the same?
Author: Deepthi Amin
Image: Author’s Own
Editor: Travis May