Couples who break-up often say, “It just happened.”
Break-ups don’t just happen. I always assert that the end of a relationship is a process. However, when we’re too “in love,” we sometimes fail to discern this process. At other times, we’re so scared to lose our partner that we willingly place a blindfold over our eyes and act as if everything is alright.
Break-ups are painful, and coming to terms with them is horrible. Nonetheless, identifying what’s coming early on can lessen our pain. We’d still be hoping for the best, yet be fully prepared for the worse. Anticipating a break-up reduces the level of shock we’re prone to feel at the annihilation of a relationship.
I went through many break-ups in the past. My sole regret is that on a few occasions, I played it cool and disregarded the warning signs. I know if I had been aware enough, I could’ve anticipated the end of the relationship.
With time, and a whole lot of heartbreaks, I learned something pivotal: we always have our own perspective of things, and then there is reality. I failed—or, more or less, refused—to see reality. I chose to believe my own interpretation of things and wove them into reality in my mind.
If only we could see and accept things as they truly are—without our misconceptions overshadowing them—we could save ourselves a certain degree of heartache.
In one particular relationship, I saw the reality of the situation, rather than how I wished it was. It was apparent that my ex-partner wanted to end the relationship. I prepared myself emotionally, telling myself our relationship could be ending at any moment, and in only a matter of weeks, it ended. The truth is, it was still extremely painful for me, however it wasn’t as much of a shock.
Sometimes, the desire for a break-up is mutual, but the partners keep trying to save the relationship. At other times, it’s only one of the two who wants to end it. Whatever the case may be, actions always speak louder than words.
The following are the major five behaviors that can alert us to an impending break-up.
Frequent break-ups and make-ups. The first major sign a big fat break-up is coming is that small break-ups that precede it. They’re usually short-lived, but they act as a warning sign that—one day—the relationship will end for good. In a moment of anger, couples tend to say things they don’t really mean. However, when they both—or even just one of them—wants to break-up, their anger will lead them to verbally end the relationship many times, before ending it for once and for all.
I lost count of how many times one of my relationships “ended,” before it truly ended for good. I lulled myself into thinking it was a positive sign—that a relationship may become unstable before it finally becomes stable. I was wrong. Instability means instability.
Stuck in a loop. A relationship that’s dying will get stuck in a loop. I like to compare it to being stuck in a labyrinth and failing to find the exit. The same fights will occur, and the same issues will keep popping out. The real issue is never finding a solution. Even if a solution is found, couples will find it difficult to apply it. The reason is, couples who no longer have the energy to invest in a relationship, will unconsciously create the same problems all over again.
Disappearing on each other. When a partnership is doomed, couples slowly start leading separate lives—an emotional and physical distance is created. Couples will disappear on each other whenever they have the chance. Plans out of the blue happen, late-night work becomes more frequent, not-in-the-mood excuses surface. They simply don’t crave spending abundant time together anymore.
Three months prior to breaking up with her boyfriend, a friend of mine wondered why he kept disappearing on her. The calls she received from him on a daily basis vanished, and he was surprisingly over-worked. It wasn’t the most comforting thing to guess that her boyfriend was desiring a break-up.
No more sharing personal things. The main reason couples share personal things is the intention of building a strong foundation based on friendship. A couple who wants to end a relationship won’t be as interested in building a friendship or any other tie to the person. Conversations become trivial, and communication stops making sense. Any communication taking place will come in a form of duty—or obligation.
Negative feelings are associated. A happy couple always represents a happy relationship, and the the opposite is also true. If you are suffering, your relationship is suffering as well. The unhappiness, depression, irritation or anger we experience, stems from the events in our life. This is a serious, major sign we usually disregard because we don’t want to hold our relationship accountable. The truth is, the nature of the relationship with our partner always reflects our emotional state.
I was constantly unhappy in my former relationship. Although I hid it, friends and family always discerned it in me. It took me many months to admit it to myself that my relationship was making me miserable. And of course…it was on the verge of ending.