My heart is beating out of my chest. Palms dripping with sweat.

I step to the ledge. My eyes peer over. As my feet stand three feet back. Safe enough to gaze…but far from jumping.

“Holy sh*t” is all I can mutter.

Life loves to present us with challenges. Maybe it is leaving the corporate world. Taking a new job. Following our passion. Maybe it’s stepping away from a relationship that no longer serves us. Will we jump into the world of the unknown, or will we stay safe?

Here I was, face to face with my own life challenge in front of an audience, friends I admire, all who had taken the leap before me.

Will I jump or bow my head?

I was unafraid, undecided. Leap or take the walk of shame down.

The words, “authentic” and “real” continue to reappear in my world. Social media posts. Blogs. Stories and conversations with friends. The words seem to surface like a black and white whale migrating through the Pacific Ocean. When the world is calm, or I am sitting in my comfortable world, the words rise to the top. Stories of someone sacrificing their authenticity. For one reason or another and because of this, I have looked deep inside of the person who I am. Questioning whether I am doing the same.

And honestly, it is scary as hell to be authentic. Just like this cliff.

Why? Because when we are eye to eye with our fears, our demons, sometimes the fight or flight moment emerges and it is all that is left.

In the past, the flight would always win. I would cower, retreating back to the land of comfort and safety. Then I’d bury my feelings, act as if nothing ever happened and take the walk of shame justifying it with a story to myself to provide the pat on the back I needed.

Next, I’d share on social media, further confirming my own conjured up story was a correct one, the right one. When in reality, it was just fear. Covered up by an untrue story, which had begun to build itself into a truth. A fabricated “truth.”

On this day, standing 30-plus feet in the air, it all changed.

When I first looked at the cliff, I said “No, not for me.” Then, one by one, I watched my friends go. It peaked my interest, but I still was not going.

The hike up to the top did not change my mind. I was only taking the walk up to shoot some photos. My preconceived story already in progress why I made the justifying the walk, and protecting me from the jump.

Then that word ran through my mind. Authentic.

The voice from deep down inside of me silently screamed, “Hey wake up. Don’t be fake! You write about taking the step. But when it is on the line. You are afraid!”

This battle with my ego had me standing 30 something feet in the air surrounded by friends. It was a fight that I had not encountered in a long time. I was scared to jump. Afraid of what? Well. the list was as long as the cliff was tall.
The cliff. Serving much more than an adrenaline rush. It was a magnifying glass on my life. Bringing the small things, the big and bold things, right before my eyes.

Authentic. Real. What would I do?

The power of fear. And our ego. Is strong. It can leave us trembling. Teary eyed. Returning back to the patterns that we know. Are not what we need. Not healthy. Or good. But this power is so strong. We continue to do it. Stay in the comfort of what we know.

Then one day. It happens. We are at that place where we are done being comfortable and we take the leap. We find our truth. We follow our hearts. We make the decisions that have been running through our minds. For days. Months. Even years. We begin to live an authentic, real life.

We begin to live an authentic, real life and this is why I took the step. (Is this where you jumped off the cliff-was that the leap or focus of the experience with everyone?) Free falling into the world of the unknown. Believing in my truth. Knowing everything is going to be just fine.

As I swam up to the surface, I emerged like the majestic whale and took in the biggest breath of air. I realized that everything is perfect.

That put the biggest, real and authentic smile on my face.

~

Author: Jeramie Vaine

Image: Marjan Lazarevski/Flickr

 Apprentice Editor: Sally Bartolameolli; Editor: Caitlin Oriel