“My heart is not captured easily. I am disinterested in small talk, disillusioned with love and too focused on my dreams and aspirations to lend anybody my attention for long.
But if we make that connection. If you find a way into my heart, I will fall for you like gravity has let go of the earth” ~ Beau Taplin
I will not settle for anything less than a soul-deep electrifying connection.
I’m tired of forcing myself to fall for all the “I shoulds.” The expectations that tell me I should only consider you a possibility if you meet all the criteria on a well thought out check list.
The list dictates you must be of a certain age and at a particular place in your life and possess certain qualities that make a good long-term partner.
The ideals that say we must want exactly the same things at this precise moment when our lives converge and intersect.
F*ck all the shoulds. I want passion.
I want to feel the air thick with tension and longing and electricity when we stand next to each other in a room.
I want to feel just slightly off-kilter around you because you challenge me and I know you’re going to keep me guessing and always on my toes.
I want heart-throbbing chemistry—the kind that makes me want to touch you every time I see you even if it’s only to rest my head against your chest. I don’t need to understand what exists between us.
But I need to feel it so I can justify why I continue to run away from the “I shoulds” and jump into the arms of someone like you.
I want to feel connection. The feeling that we don’t have to work for because it’s been there from the first moment we saw each other. This is the kind of passion I don’t often feel, so when it does come around I’ll be damned if I’m going to run from it because you don’t check off all my boxes and I don’t check off all of yours.
But here’s the thing—I say I want this electric connection, yet when it shows up and doesn’t look the way it “should,” I do what many of us do when we find it.
I overthink it.
I overanalyze why it’s not a good idea.
I make up a hundred excuses why it won’t work.
I force myself to date someone else I feel none of this with because they make sense and you don’t.
When all I want to do is fall into a soul-deep relationship.
I want to stop fighting hard against feeling something that keeps me awake at night.
I want to stop telling myself that this can’t work just because maybe it doesn’t meet long-term expectations.
I want to stop denying myself the gift of real, authentic connection with a person I simply like being with.
I don’t care what it looks like, I want a love that feels real.
The truth is, connection doesn’t give a damn about age, race, religion, timing, socioeconomic background, marital status or logic. Connection is just two souls who have found each other and have something to teach each other.
It’s a gift.
Love grows from this kind of deep, soulful connections.
It’s easy to find the next relationship or the one after that, so we turn our back on the person standing right before us. The one who doesn’t check off all our neat little boxes.
Until we realize that this connection we have between the two of us is actually pretty hard to find.
It comes along only a handful of times in our life. And we quickly just push it away.
“No thank you, there will be another who makes me feel like you do.”
Except maybe there won’t. So don’t turn it away out of fear. Because the next soul-deep connection may not come along for another few years or we’ll get caught up in a relationship with someone who will never make us feel the passion we actually wanted.
The one who didn’t make sense, who didn’t fit inside our box.
We should stop trying to make love fit into any box at all. We can simply allow ourselves to enjoy how it feels in this moment.
Fall into it.
Surrender into the person who gets us from the moment we meet.
Lay in bed, have insanely passionate sex, talk about how crazy this connection is and how it’ll probably never last and then revel in every single second we have to spend together, while it lasts.
Because this is the person we fall into with reckless abandon, even though they make no sense at all. Our friends will never understand because this person doesn’t match what we’ve said we wanted. A future with this person leads absolutely nowhere. They will represent a moment in time that we’ll look back on and remember as being one of the most passionate, intense and exhilarating in our life, because we finally did something that felt oh so wrong and so right all at the same time.
These loves are the ones we’ll remember long after they’re gone. Because they didn’t make sense but it was one helluva ride.
Author: Dina Strada
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock