I know the thoughts that have been wandering through your mind.
While couples around the world curl up in the sheets of love, you curl up in your own loneliness.
Perhaps you wish you had someone with whom you could celebrate Valentine’s Day. Maybe your hand longs to be held—your face aches to be gazed upon. You may simply want a special, new love to sweep you off your feet and give a new meaning to your life.
I know the feeling, because I’ve been there.
There are few Valentine’s Days that I’ve spent with a significant other. I can hardly recall them, as they’ve been lost in the mist of time.
I deemed myself lonely over the years and questioned my ability to be in a happy relationship. While other people celebrated their consecutive years together, I celebrated my failures.
Two years back, I happened to be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. However, it was an unhappy, destructive relationship. We had a big fight on Valentine’s Day, and I spent my night wallowing in sorrow.
That year, I realized that having someone on Valentine’s Day doesn’t matter all that much if we’re unhappy with them. I wished to be alone, rather than be with someone who makes me feel like I’m alone.
This was the year that, for the first time, I didn’t deem myself lonely.
I hope you know you’re not lonely either.
Valentine’s Day has become so commercialized that it has indirectly influenced our way of thinking—we don’t feel comfortable being single on this holiday.
However, I finally came to understand that the times I didn’t have someone to celebrate with are actually times I should cherish—because the truth is, if I had cherished it in the past, I wouldn’t have spent my Valentine’s Day, two years back, crying over my ex-partner.
What was missing in my relationship was the love I didn’t have for myself.
I didn’t love or appreciate myself enough—and so, I called myself lonely every Valentine’s Day spent alone. It was the perfect word to give my ego a victimized sense of identity.
But I’m not lonely this year. I’m happy. I’m complete.
I’m celebrating love with the person who needs it the most—I’m celebrating it with myself.
I’m not curling up on a couch of hopelessness. My hand is enjoying the space that surrounds it, and my face is enjoying gazing at itself in the mirror. Every second, I’m giving Valentine’s Day—and every other day—meaning.
Finding “the one” is not what matters. Being with the one we love is not the goal. Loving ourselves should be the goal. Our own happiness is the ultimate purpose—finding ourselves first is what matters. Forget the commercials, and what people think is right, and remember what “you” see as important.
I know that once I learn to love myself completely, and know my own worth, I will find the right person with whom I can celebrate my Valentine’s Day. Until that person comes along, I’m more than fine just being with myself, by myself.
Words like “lonely” and “sad” are labels which dress our experiences. But who can judge what our experiences are? Perhaps curling up on the couch alone is as pleasant as spooning with someone in bed. What we need to change isn’t the experience itself, but rather, our perspective of it.
I’m convinced that everything we chase after in this life runs away. Why are we running after love and relationships? Why don’t we take the “alone” time that we have now and benefit from it? The right person is coming our way—but we must prepare for them. And the only authentic preparation begins alone. There’s no journey better than the one we take with ourselves.
You’re not lonely this Valentine’s Day—you’re preparing for the right person.
Enjoy every second of your alone-time. Enjoy yourself and what this time has to offer. Before we meet the right person, we must invest in the one who resides within ourselves.
Invest in yourself first. Commit to yourself.
You’re not lonely this Valentine’s Day—you’re making a commitment to yourself.
Author: Elyane Youssef
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina