Instantaneous emoji love from across the miles:

How is it that the written word can be so full of raw, powerful emotion in some circumstances, yet it can easily betray us when we explain our deepest feelings—using modern technology?

In today’s fast moving world, it is not unusual to begin a relationship with that special someone relying purely on the performance of an app.

I am beginning to wish there was an emoji that says, “I think you may be emotionally unavailable,” or “Please ignore the above and shoot me now,” because for the life of me, I just can’t help but yearn with all my heart to return to the simplistic days of love letters being written, posted across the miles, ensuring that the wonderful feeling of falling for someone is drawn out in all its tantalizing and exciting glory.

For the second time in two weeks, I have just typed out a long and detailed message to my current love interest, as to why I think it would be better for us to stop communicating via the likes of the most popular apps. I tried to explain it would be better to just wait until we are actually face to face, gazing into each other’s eyes, before making any hasty plans for the future. I even mention, quite frankly, our emotions are currently built on a foundation of extremely fast-paced Q&A sessions and a fair share of kissing emojis.

I also go on to explain:

I’m navigating my way, as best I can, through a time of emotional healing and self-transformation. I can’t help but feel that I would rather be conquering this stage of my life without resorting to giving a running commentary to you via whatsapp. Before you reply, with constant feedback doused with an over generous helping of smiles and thumbs ups, would it really be so bad if I were to pull away? Pull away for the sake of both of us, rather than continue for the pure pleasure of wanting this intriguing and sometimes messy roller coaster ride of love to keep on heading up and up for a while longer.

This put an end to my app-filled romance.

After it ended, mind you, before we had even had a chance to share an embrace, I consoled myself by keeping a diary of my emotional progress and my ever-evolving feelings, in order to fill the minutes that would usually have been spent chatting online.

I admit, I enjoyed the evenings with my hands clutching smart screens, with my fingers poised above letters, ever ready to smile, kiss,  or cry with laughter, at the touch of a button, a ridiculous smile of awe, as if I were grasping a new born kitten in my palms.

Maybe it would have worked, if instead we were to dance slowly and closely in the kitchen to that song I shared last week? Or if we could have sat in front of a fire and passionately read aloud that poem we loved? If only I could have savoured the emotions portrayed in your eyes and in your smile, rather than second-guessing if your heart skipped a beat upon glancing at such words in typed form.

I no longer wish to copy and paste the contents of my overflowing heart into a simple message. Would it really be so bad to be old fashioned when it comes to love?  For now, it is easier to keep me as the centre of my world when such communications are non-existent and although I think of the experience fondly, I am fixated on becoming the best version of myself.

I think I will return to my diary as an outlet for writing about my hopeful dreams, and in that action, I will also stage a return to myself.

 

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Author: Sarah Dunn

Image: Matthew G /Flickr 

Editor: Deb Jarrett

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