My soul aches every time I see you.
Just the sight of you sets my soul on fire. Seeing you reminds me that we’re not really together.
Our love doesn’t fall under any labels. As far as I’m concerned, that only means there’s no forever with you. A forever with you is the only earthly attachment that I refuse to let go of. It has become both a craving that I must satisfy and an obsession I need to stop.
My torment provoked an examination of the word “forever.” It turned out that all of my complicated questions had really simple answers.
The answer is that forever is overrated.
Since we were young, we were taught to associate the notion of forever with happiness and gratification. The more secure of a forever we have with someone, the more secure we feel about their presence in our lives. Without a forever, we’re only desperate human beings who live in constant fear and uncertainty.
I don’t need a forever with you. When I put my delusional, brainwashed thoughts aside, and I silenced my needy ego, I saw that my now with you is a forever.
Our love has shaped the meaning of forever in new ways I could never have imagined. I chuckle every time I remember what I used to believe a forever meant. There are some days when I still struggle with the emotional security of not having a forever to grip.
Forever is not a place, nor is it a never-ending experience. The truth is that forever is a bundle of earthly “nows” that are just too great to be pinned down.
My present moment with you—regardless of how temporary it is—brings me great bliss. The fear of losing our present moment dissipates when we’re together. Time stops when I gaze into your eyes and when I inhale your lavish exhales.
My happiness when I am with you doesn’t require a justification or an excuse. Happiness is a state of being—not a set of trivial words.
I don’t want to secure a forever with you.
My love for you is too great—it can withstand tests of uncertainty and hopelessness. Craving the need to hold on to you and to claim you is a blasphemy in the name of love.
Not only have you given my forever a new meaning, but you’ve also shaped the concept of our now. You’ve transcended the now into a forever.
Every molecule of my body is present whenever I’m with you. My atoms become conscious, and my breathing dances with the nebulas of the universe.
When I’m in the now with you, my materialistic needs drop. My mind gently comes to the here and now. My heart balances its own beats when I’m in your presence. Blood gently circulates in my veins, and my lung capacity increases.
Your kiss, your touch, and your voice are my forever. I’d rather experience the genuine, fleeting moments with you than to have you for the rest of my life unhappily. It’s not the abundance of minutes that matter. What matters is what we experienced in those minutes.
If you have any hopes of having a forever with me, I kindly ask that you let those hopes go. Forget what the world believes our relationship should be—jump into the now with me. Just as you made me see the true definition of forever, I promise to decode every single letter for you.
I just want to be with you now. Know that I have no other wish and no other purpose in this life but to explain the greatness of the galaxy to you.
Trust that now is all we have, and trust me in shaping it anew for you.
Do you trust me now?
~
Author: Elyane Youssef
Image: @awaudrey on Instagram; awaudrey.com
Editor: Caitlin Oriel
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