Walking away from my marriage was one of the most difficult and bravest things I’ve ever done.
It was hard to know the “right” time to leave, if there ever is one. It was harder to figure out what I wanted my life to be when I had been so terribly wrong the first time round.
When a relationship ends it is easy to fall into bad habits and lose sight of who we are. The best thing we can do is find ways to pick ourselves up and remind ourselves that usually, we are better off.
Finding yourself after any sort of big life change is an intricate balance of learning to let go of the things that aren’t good enough, and filling your life with the things that are.
The following is one in a series of poems that illustrates the brokenness as well as strength and resilience that comes through taking control and taking one’s life back.
I endured a lot of hurt
That was never committed to paper
Because I drowned it in a bottle
Before it could get out.
I called my friend Jack,
Leaned on my pal Jameson
Let Jose take me home and strip me down.
I found new boys to hold me up
Because the boy I loved let me down
Let me fall
Watched me drown.
We were tortured,
Tormented by our sick need for each other
Drug under waters we couldn’t calm
With only each other to cling to.
But I didn’t care enough to save you
Nor you, me.
So I left this message
In the bottom of one of the bottles
I drowned in
When I rescued myself from our shipwreck
And left you there
Alone amongst the wreckage.
I was never who you wanted me to be.