If you’ve been on this planet for more than a few years, you have probably wanted something with all your heart, mind, and soul, right?
Did you get it?
According to the Law of Attraction, we get what we hold in our subconscious or what we put all our emotions into, whether that is based in joy or fear. The Law of Attraction makes us responsible for whatever is in our lives.
That’s quite a burden—and it lends itself to self-criticism at best.
If this law worked 100 percent of the time, I would probably have been in a serious accident involving a semi by now.
Some years ago, I was merging onto one freeway from another. The continuous lanes curved to the right and were bordered on both sides by concrete walls with a narrow shoulder. I was in the left lane with my baby strapped into the car seat, when the semi to my right swerved over into my lane and smashed the front of my car with his rear. I slammed on my brakes, honking and screaming at him. He kept right on going, not even realizing what had happened.
Never in my life did I consider that scenario. I had no connection to it and no fear of it. It was an incredibly happy time in my life. I was not and am not, in retrospect, aware of any subconscious desire for pain or punishment at that time in my life.
The front of my car was smashed, but I could still drive. Seconds later, I pulled over onto the shoulder of the new freeway with my heart nearly beating out of my chest and checked on my baby girl. She was fine, but the alternative outcome wouldn’t stop racing through my mind.
This experience engendered enough fear in me to bring up that memory whenever I pass a tractor trailer truck. Besides my regular commutes, I’ve crossed the country from one coast to the other probably 20 times at this point, so that’s a lot of trucks!
Nothing like that has happened since.
This, among many other observations, conversations, and contemplations cause me to question the allegedly infallible Law of Attraction.
Now, no doubt about it, if you are in a great space, feeling happy, it will show and people will feel more drawn to you. On these days you might have more conversations, better outcomes, and more good feelings.
However, let’s say that you are an artist and creating is your soul’s calling. It is where your joy resides; you cannot imagine doing anything else. Your work is your inspiration, your emotions are in alignment with your actions, and your intention is clear that your work is generating income.
That means that the majority of artists should be well off, right? I know some artists who are, but most of them aren’t.
We can continue exploring these facts about life with the consistent outcome that this works for some but not for others. It works sometimes but not every time. Would you agree?
We might say, “Well, we don’t know what is really going on in that person’s subconscious mind,” and we would be correct.
Keeping in mind the Law of Attraction, what about the child from a war-torn country with horrific experiences? What about a child from our own country who finds himself bullied to near destruction?
When I was a teenager and well into my 20s, I knew that something great would happen to me and my endeavors would work out. I took great risks with the knowledge that I would reach my goal. I had no doubts.
I have a degree in psychology, which means I am generally aware of my subconscious workings. It has been my life’s work to be brutally honest with myself. I can’t be of use to anyone otherwise. Yet, I can tell you that many things I was in complete alignment with did not come to be—materially, emotionally, or spiritually.
So, clearly something else is also at work here.
Many other things and experiences that I never contemplated or even knew existed, did happen in my life. Some incredibly painful, soul-crushing things visited me. Some unimaginably beautiful things happened.
Believing that somehow I created all the bad, that I was responsible for all of it, caused me to be really hard on myself. What followed were years of striving, constantly reaching, while punishing myself for not being able to make it happen; questioning what was wrong with me, looking outward at others who seemed to have it going on.
The reality was that I wasted precious moments, days, weeks, and months, not being present. I was never fully enjoying the amazing life I was living. I didn’t even recognize what I had; I was always looking elsewhere for more.
That is my regret today.
We love to hear that we can have it all. The fabulous relationship, the money, the trappings, whatever our heart desires.
Now, I am not here to rain on anyone’s parade.
I am here to share that all that striving, reaching for more, keeps us from noticing what is right in front of us. I see so many people always working hard on improving themselves, attending workshops, always looking outward, and forgetting to recognize the magnificence of their own being.
We beat ourselves up if we have a down day, because Tony Robbins advocates massive action and he is comfortable being uncomfortable. That’s great for Tony, but we are not all Tony. He is inspiring for sure, but that doesn’t mean his ways are right for everyone.
The answer for each of us lies within.
Allow the inessentials to fall away—all the inauthentic, superfluous parts that aren’t you.
Some of you feel content being a parent, spending time with your little ones, cooking and being at home. Some of you enjoy being a small business owner, or an employee, without ever becoming a huge multinational company. Perhaps you are someone who simply cannot go to yoga or the gym on a regular basis, because there is something deep within that won’t cooperate—no matter what.
Maybe your drum beats slower than others. You don’t constantly have to work on making contacts to improve your situation or have a different approach to life than the people around you. We are all unique beings on our individual journeys. Maybe Oprah was meant to be Oprah, regardless of her circumstances, and there’s nothing we can do to follow in her footsteps.
How do we know for sure? How does anyone know for sure? Maybe we’ll find out in the afterlife. Maybe not. In the meantime, we have only this one life to live without a guidebook.
I think the things we are here to learn are patience, love, compassion, and understanding for each other. This requires a softening, a gentleness of the heart; not a striving, “let’s make this happen,” outward-focused attitude.
Besides, wouldn’t we be happier if we could learn to appreciate this life we have, finding joy in the things that present themselves to us?
I’ll probably always want to make vision boards, think deeply, and read inspiring works by great human beings. Working on the things we want to improve is a good thing, like being kinder, more understanding, more loving toward self and others—but not to the exclusion of fully being in our own life—revelling in the magnificence and uniqueness of our being.
Just like an oak tree is never going to be a rose bush, or an orange tree will never be a cherry tree, I am never going to be an Oprah or a Tony Robbins. But, I will definitely be the most amazing me.
Whether happy, sad, angry, determined, complacent, rich, or poor—this is my life, only mine. I don’t want to waste a moment of it anymore!
Author: Christina de Valencia
Image: Laura D’Alessandro/Flickr
Editor: Lieselle Davidson
Copy Editor: Nicole Cameron
Social Editor: Danielle Beutell