I told him that sex, to me, is spiritual.
My relationship with sex had shifted over recent years from physical to emotional and into the spiritual state of being, which may seem, at first glance, all too otherworldly.
The heavy leaning toward this final state came as I dove into the hollowness I found enshrouding my heart after hot moments between the sheets with men whose bodies I adored and whose hearts I craved.
Rolling over in heavy exhale after making love, I often found myself left with empty heart and untouched spirit. My body had been seen, caressed, and loved, but my soul had found no witness. Ridden with societal roles and unwritten rules, deeper layers of my being were left unpenetrated.
Heart danced naked, desperately searching the bedroom floor for her clothing, her casing that would make her feel safe again.
He wanted to understand what he could not tangibly assess, so he asked, “What do you mean when you say that sex is spiritual to you?” His openness and curiosity to understanding what these words meant pried open a small piece of my heart that wanted to share what I knew, yet I could not respond.
Suddenly my faith in sacred sex, and in the experiences I held, disappeared like a loon beneath the lake at dawn.
In awe and contemplation of the silence that overcame me, I told him I would have to get back to him. So this is where I find myself—trying to adorn in words something so sacred as two spirits making love. What lives in spirit is much more vast than the limited lingo of language, yet many who have come before me have been able to awaken my own with their fine-tuning of words, so I know it to be possible.
Spirituality woven into sex is the deepest layer of what we may explore in our sensual and sexual encounters. The way that each page of a novel leads us into the heart of what the book embodies, we venture with patience, compassion, and vulnerability until we reach the core of what our encounters truly are—the place where true essence resides.
Before diving to the center of what rests within, we must acknowledge each layer; none of us are solely what rests in our core. We are complex and curious, governed by the cravings of our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls.
Physical comes first. Within this layer, there is a mingling of bodies, exploring the surface of whom we desire. Carnal in nature, it arouses our most immediate sexual body. Nature may determine it, nurture may expand it, and chemistry may fuel it (along with the emotional body we are likely to touch). It is beautiful, raw desire that has us craving the body of another. It is passionate and playful; sensual and stimulating.
The emotional body is the realm of layers beneath the exterior. In sexual relationships, it is an opening into the walls that guard our heart.
Vulnerability begins to seep through the weakening walls that have kept us safe and secure. The caressing of the emotional body makes our heart beat faster when we are not with the person who touched our hearts. It brings tears to our eyes—first of joy, and later, perhaps, of sadness. It may be a tumultuous ride—intense, ever-changing, and with growing passion. There is a deeper exhale into trust as we begin to show more of who we are—the beauty and the blemishes—to the person of our desire.
Beneath the euphoria, intrigue, and beauty of the above layers, we may choose to melt into our core. It is the stillness of deep waters beneath the perfect storm. It is a place of presence and of mindfulness within our sexual encounters. It is an exploration of body, of heart, and of spirit—an acceptance of what our direct experience is within each of these bodies, and a releasing of the roles we may have carried within the upper layers. It is a dance between communication and the need for no words; a melting into the present moment and a divine worshipping of the entire person exposed before us.
Balance is carefully held between giving unconditionally and receiving without guilt. Expectations are released. Slowness is restored. Surrender is granted.
Spirit encouraged within our sexual experiences grants us the ability to dive into deeper levels of understanding, compassion, and union. Identity diffuses into oneness, exposing an experience of communion from where the person with whom we share this encounter is witnessed in their entirety. Fear is replaced with love as we open ourselves up to a connection more fulfilling than what we’ve been taught to yearn for.
This type of sex is not a denial of the outer layers, nor a superiority to what rests on the surface.
It is an acceptance of all of our thoughts, sensations, and experiences. It is a heightening of our sensory experience from where we witness what our present truth looks like.
Within this acknowledgment and acceptance, we find the ability to set ego aside and let spirit reign. It is here within this realm of spirit that we open up to the possibility that euphoria resides within the softness of a kiss, the vulnerability of an open heart, and the ocean of another world in the eyes that stare into our own.
Author: Gillian Sanger
Editor: Emily Bartran
Copy Editor: Danielle Beutell
Social Editor: Khara-Jade Warren