I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if I know you already, or if you are a future I have yet to fall upon.
I have been preparing to meet you my entire life. For many years, I have looked forward to you with an ache in my heart. I felt a hole within me that I wanted to fill with you, a space in my heart plump with love, ready for you to rest in.
There have been men along the way who have grabbed my heart, and at the time I often felt that they were you. But as I push forward alone, I know you are still out there looking for me, just as I look for you.
I have traveled through the lands of marriage and dating. I have traversed heartache and loneliness—and now have come to comfortably rest within myself.
I have learned so many lessons that have polished my edges, that have broken me open, and it’s in the crushing of old dreams, beliefs, and illusions that possibilities open up. I thirst for myself now, to learn who I am in your absence. For only in your absence have I seen the crevices of darkness that keep you at bay. I see the drive for approval, the desire to be perfect, the numbing of feelings, the icky feelings of unworthiness, the walls created as protection from imaginary future hurts, the judgments about myself.
I have met God and established a relationship with Source that fills me so completely that I know I am perfect in all the darkness I have uncovered in your absence. I know this path has been designed to bring me to myself, to understand that the love I seek is within. I have questioned so many times if I accidentally missed you, if I judged all those before you too harshly, but I know now that it’s all perfect just as it falls: perfect timing, and perfectly placed.
I am being molded for you as I am sure you are being molded for me. But I have so many that I get to love right now: a full roster of players that are on the starting line of my love game. I am grateful in every cell of my being for the very full life I have.
I believe the world is full of love, and people are love at their core. I see light everywhere I look. This path I have taken has been intensely painful, but each hurt I have used to the fullest benefit.
I am so much more of me than I have ever been before. I am the magnificent woman you deserve, for I know your soul even before I meet you. I know your kindness and empathy, your awareness, your strength, your commitment, and your love of life.
I will continue to learn and live and love until you arrive. I will be focused on the joy within my life so that when you walk into it, it will match your joyous vibration.
I am now whole; there is no hole left to fill in my heart. Yet it remains plump with love and open for your arrival.
All my love,
Author’s note: after creating this future to live into many years ago, I am now in a relationship with a man that has been molded for me. A man that has traversed all his mountains and trekked through the landscape of his very full life to meet me at the beginning of a very beautiful journey together.
Author: Shannon Simmons
Image: Courtesy of Penelope Dullaghan
Editor: Callie Rushton
Copy Editor: Lieselle Davidson
Social Editor: Waylon Lewis