If you think about it, I’m sure you can name one or two friends who simply light up the room when they walk in.
They are so full of joy and excitement for life, you feel as if you just drank a Red Bull by the time they are on their way to spread sunshine to another well-deserving part of the world.
And then there’s the psychic vampire.
I’m sure you don’t even need to think about it; you know someone—either a friend or someone you have to deal with at work—who, by the time they’ve left the room, has made you feel as though you’ve had a dirty cat litter box dumped in your lap.
Not only that, but where you may have felt fine before they started complaining about Bob in their office, or how only four people “liked” the selfie they posted with themselves and their ferret, you feel like you need a long nap after they finally leave—or more accurately, after you find an acceptable way to exit the room. Which is exactly why they are referred to as “psychic vampires.”
It’s as if they are literally sucking all of your good vibes and energy right out of the side of your neck.
So, how do we politely slay the attack of these low frequency vampires before we feel the need to lie down for a few minutes?
I’ve devised a step by step guide to combat this phenomena:
Don’t get mad at them.
It’s hard to believe—energy suckers don’t realize they are stealing people’s energy most of the time—but beware! There is a solid line between having compassion for a person and allowing them to give you a psychic flat tire.
The only way to ward them off is to stay as emotionally distant from them as humanly possible. So, it is in your best interest not to allow them to anger you. The basis of this step is not simply to be a benevolent entity, but to set up your force field. It’s your first step in not getting emotionally invested.
Being polite means allowing them to finish their sentence, being wise means not letting them begin another one.
There are ways to deflect the conversation to more positive places while you are still all “high vibe” and energetic. This will, of course, vex them in a passive way; but it will be way too subtle for them to know that they (and their drama) are being summarily dismissed.
For example, when they walk into your office and start telling you about their baby’s daddy and his ugly new girlfriend, you could remark how unseasonably warm it is. They may try to continue with their diatribe, but I promise, a second deflection will bring the matter to an end.
Do not feel sorry for them.
When you begin to do this, you are essentially giving them your hard-earned energy on a shiny platter. There are people in your Facebook feed who are always starting Go Fund Me campaigns for their legal fees, the cash to pay security on a new apartment, or their electric bill because they’ve had their power turned off.
Don’t get me wrong: we’ve all dealt with struggles from time to time, but I am addressing those who consistently have issues—you know who they are. There is a way to “unfollow” these people so their incessant tales of woe don’t cloud up your lazy Sunday morning. Learn it. Use it.
Bring a buffer.
Up until this point, I have brought up ways to protect yourself in the midst of a sneak attack. I did this because the ambush is generally how these people will come at you and you need to be prepared.
There will be times in your life when you have advanced warning of your close proximity to one of these wretches. Thanksgiving dinner at your aunt’s house is a great example. In these cases, you can bring your girlfriend’s crazy teenage son with you or the guy from work with the ridiculous septum piercing—anything to protect yourself against the ensuing onslaught.
Think of it like this: as garlic is to a traditional vampire, silliness is to a psychic vampire. They won’t stand a chance when little Joey starts to drink milk through the straw in his nose.
Practice ninja-like self-care.
This may sound as if it’s coming from left field, but I assure you, self-care is the wooden stake you need to protect yourself against the vampires. You can’t possibly defend yourself from the chronically low-vibed unless your own aura is unstoppable. The no-fail way to accomplish this:
>> Eat Well
>> Sleep at least seven hours every day
>> Meditate daily
>> Keep away from negativity (talk radio, television, angry blog posts)
These are great things to do as a matter of course, but essential when you’re faced with the garden variety serial buzzkiller.
No matter how you look at it, psychic vampires and energy suckers are as much a part of our reality as dirty socks—and just as palatable. You, however, don’t have to eat lunch with your dirty socks, so you shouldn’t have to eat lunch with these people either.
And, while I do everything in my power to never come off as didactic or preachy, I cannot stress enough how important it is to never let one of these people smear their stinky misery all over you.
Life is short and to paraphrase the ancient Chinese proverb, “It’s later than you think.”
Author: Billy Manas
Editor: Lieselle Davidson
Copy Editor: Catherine Monkman