May 7, 2018

I think I’m going to have children. I think I’m going to fall in love. But I don’t know.


“The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is there’s no ground.”

I think I’m going to have children. I think I’m going to fall in love.

But I don’t know. And I’m living life with an open heart and an open mind, living in that non-knowing.

Because, really, what choice do I have? I’m 43, so the odds seem slim. But I’m a kind okay guy, doing worthwhile stuff hopefully…so maybe it’s not too late for me. But who knows.

We’re all in that space, even if we’re in love and married and living happily ever after, right now.

We’re all in that space, moment-to-moment, day-to-day, of not-knowing.

And from a Buddhist point-of-view, that’s a great space to hang out in. Don’t solidify things. I’m bad, I’m not worthy, I’m blahblahblah is just as bad for us as I’m great, I’m wonderful, I’m the best. Insecurity is the cousin of arrogance—they both rise from our unwillingness to let the present moment remain liquid.

So be kind to your sweet self. Make friends with the parts of your self that you aren’t okay with. This is true humility, not the false humility stuff borne of a misunderstanding of societal norms. This is true confidence, because it is based in the only thing that will never change, that we can always count on: impermanence.

Invest in your sweet self.

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Erin Glassman Jun 26, 2018 2:00am

The only lasting relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves. I've heard that once that's solid, it draws the right souls in. But, like you said, who knows? Maybe we aren't meant to own anything, but we can enjoy what life brings us for however long that may be :)

Laura Colburn May 9, 2018 10:08pm

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Vee Lee Lee May 9, 2018 12:32am

I love that space. I have no idea what the fock is going to happen next and that's both exhilirating and comforting.

Bridget Ausman May 8, 2018 4:43pm

I'm 42, I did fall in love, I think. I did have babies- that much I know! That love doesn't always last although it sometimes comes back... I'm also trying to live life with an open heart and and open mind. The only constant is change. Babies grow up. I'm growing up. Love changes. Fingers crossed that you find what you are seeking.

Waylon Lewis May 8, 2018 4:12pm


Waylon Lewis May 8, 2018 4:12pm


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Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of Elephant Journal & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat.” Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword’s Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by “Greatist”, Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: “the mindful life” beyond the choir & to all those who didn’t know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, touches on modern relationships from a Buddhist point of view. His dream of 9 years, the Elephant “Ecosystem” will find a way to pay 1,000s of writers a month, helping reverse the tide of low-quality, unpaid writing & reading for free online.