Marry a Woman who Knows you are Real.


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Heads up: just a couple of well-placed curse words below.



Perhaps you know she is part magical and part mundane.

Perhaps she knows it too, and that’s why she’s so real.

Marry a woman who knows she is both.

Marry a woman who can find her way through the labyrinth of your mind, past the liberated countries and unbounded empires it conceives, to find the foundations beneath your fantasy.

Marry a woman who can kiss you both softly and savagely. Whose hands you can trust to know your every fibre and foible as you tremble with pleasure or pain. A woman who can soothe away the bruised knees of your children as well as your bruised ego with the same lips, and teach the ultimate art of homemaking with those same hands.

Marry a woman who elevates you.

Such a woman can look into the depths of you and know your primal power, yet calmly wipe away your impatient, inelegant tears of anger at things that don’t matter. Even when she knows you know better, even when you are better.

Marry a woman devoted to your body and soul, who sees your passion, but does not shy away from your fractured perfection, your flaws. She isn’t disturbed by your neolithic odour and (in emergencies only) lets you shit while she’s in the shower.

Marry a woman who’s got your back when you’ve had one too many beers on your first night out together in years.

Marry a woman who trims your beard (carefully) and your nose hair (delicately) when you can no longer be bothered to do either. Just to help you feel sane again.

In return, you are right there with her, holding her hand, cooling her brow, giving her sweets and sips of water through the birth of your babies (even when she growls at you).

She will change dirty diapers, make up nonsense lullabies, and stay up late rocking a restless baby so you can get some sleep—and on another nerve-frayed night you will reciprocate.

Marry a woman who will be your sons’ and daughters’ heroine: a woman who knows everything about the world, according to them. A woman who will encourage your children to be curious, to find out how things work, how life works, how to aspire, and build sand castles with tumbling spires.

Marry a woman who surfs the storm of your deepest emotions like a mythical mermaid through your odyssey of self-doubt and dire straits. A woman who knows just how to guide you back to the harbour of hope, and home. Every time.

Marry a woman who always sees in you the imperishable expression of the divine, even when you can’t. But will call you out on your bullshit too, even when you fool everyone else, and especially when you’ve fooled yourself.

Marry a woman who knows that you too can be magical and mundane in two halves of the same heart, without conflict—because she sees miracles in the ordinary.

You and she are the same. In different ways.

Marry a woman who loves a dirty joke, who sings gladly and dances wildly, who reads quietly, questions loudly, and philosophises, but also has Netflix binges and leaves her underwear on the bathroom floor.

A woman who will debate (and sometimes argue) with you way past midnight about life, the universe, and how to raise your cherished children today to be tomorrow’s good men and women.

Marry a woman who will stand by her man and walk through life by your side. Through mistakes and heartbreaks. Through the best of times and the worst of times, from holidays on Lover’s Coast to eggs on toast for the third time this week because things are tight. Through births and deaths, labours, losses, and love. And all the extraordinarily ordinary days in between.

Marry a woman who loves you for all that you are, and all that you are not.

She is by your side not because she is a bewitched princess and you an ogre in dented armour, avowed to rescue her—but because the truth of love blows away fairy dust to reveal your real home.

What you have will sometimes be magical and sometimes mundane. Sometimes it will make perfect sense, and at other times drive you insane, but it will always, always be real.


Dedicated to my friends, Khara-Jade & David Warren, and their two boys.




author: Arun Eden-Lewis

Image: This Is Us/IMDb

Editor: Khara-Jade Warren

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Arun Eden-Lewis

Arun Eden-Lewis, known as Arunji to his friends has been teaching Yoga, Qigong and Tai Chi since 2001. His particular passion is bringing the authentic philosophies of these ancient practices into modern everyday life by helping his students develop accessible self practices that can be explored with integrity in their own time, even if it’s just five minutes.

Arun is also a qualified swimming coach, personal trainer and Natural Therapist. He hosts Yoga & Qigong retreats as well as Fit & Fat retreats, classes, workshops and seminars all over the world. His mission is to take the mystery out of the mystical, allowing anyone with the passion and commitment to find freedom, in body, mind, and spirit.

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Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 19, 2018 6:04pm

Never give up Kevin, be your genuine self and keep hoping for the best. I'm just 8 years behind you! Good luck on your journey my friend. Blessings Arun

Kevin McCabe Sep 19, 2018 11:52am

Beautifully written prose, it's getting late in the day for me now at 58yrs but I'll hang on because I wholeheartedly concur with you

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 18, 2018 7:33pm

Made you cry? Mission accomplished! Thank you dear Galina x Blessings Arun

Galina Singer Sep 18, 2018 4:43pm

This simply made me cry. Thank you for this beautiful read, dear Arun!

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 18, 2018 3:15pm

Graham Hooper That's a very interesting comment. This article is based on an article by a very dear friend of mine. She wrote an article called, Marry a Man That Knows You are Real. You can click on the link at the end of my article to read it. So the question is, why is it sexist for a man to want to be loved for his "real self" and not a woman? It is way too easy to throw around terms like sexist as if it's confetti. It is not appropriate is this context. If you take the time to read the article again it's really about "give and take" not just taking from a male perspective. Blessings Arun

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 18, 2018 3:09pm

Thank you for your comments Michael. Good luck on your journey my friend! Blessings Arun

Graham Hooper Sep 18, 2018 7:07am

Wow Who would Want to Be Born Female? To Serve All Men? as a Duty because of Her Gender. Very Sexist. Arun Just Imagine if This "God" Being Had a Bit of Fun and Tomorrow you Woke up as A Woman..Would you Still Agree with All Your Statements? You Appear to be a Man with Some Power some Privilage Not a Homeless person . When My Son was Born 24 years ago I Took on The Role of Mother and Father. My EX was in a Wheelchair UnABLE to care for a Baby on her own. but she could Type and Earn money on a Computor...As a Man i Found it to be The Most Difficult Job i had Ever Done. 24/7 on Duty. Very Little Sleep. But on Alert to the First Bounce into Action.I Did it for the First 3 and a Half Years .From the Tiny Baby who Only Seemed to Cry to the Child Who Could Talk and Walk and Feed himself With Help. But it was Most Rewarding to Get a Smile from Baby..Try Cleaning up a Baby after it Filled a Nappy/Diaper a few times per day or Night. Not Handing Baby on To Mum to Clean Up..Not very Pleasant but it Has to be Done, Men Can Do it. I Did it. For My Child and For a Month Looked after My Brothers Child When Both Him and Wife had to Work. So ac Man CAN Nurture a Baby or Young Child .It Creates "Empathy" To Care for Others. Please as a Social Experiment Try Doing a Womans Job For a Week and Let her Do Yours or Let her Just relax while You Take care of Her every Need. Then Tell us if you Think it is Right to Enslave a Woman If you are Born A Man.Or that because of your Sexual Gender you are Born to Serve or Born to be Served? We are Created Equal so Should be Treated as Equals. No Roles like women Clean the Toilet and Bathroom and Cooks all the Meals ..No Mate Men can Actually Do it Just as Well. Graham From New Zealand

Michael Mitchell Sep 18, 2018 12:17am

Every woman has that potential- most do not choose to give and be real. I hope I find a woman like that one day! I believe that is Gods purpose is for everyone to imitate the God of love with everyone around then but especially with their mate. Thank you

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 17, 2018 7:37pm

Thank you Nicole! So pleased you enjoyed it. Blessings Arun

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 17, 2018 7:36pm

Thank you Debi, keep remembering. Blessings Arun

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 17, 2018 7:36pm

Thank you Majella, so pleased you enjoyed the article! Blessings Arun

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 17, 2018 5:57pm

Rebecca Burton Thank you for taking the time to comment. You may be interested in another of my articles, "How Many Genders Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?" A search on Elephant Journal will bring it up. good luck with your new love. Blessings Arun

Tim Bowen Sep 17, 2018 5:09pm

Rebecca Burton I'm sorry, Rebecca. Prayers to you.

Nicole Gillette Sep 17, 2018 3:54pm

This article was so inspiring and helpful!

Debra DeRosa Sep 17, 2018 2:07pm

Aaaaah....perhaps someday.... Thank you for a lovely read and the remembrance of what's truly important in a relationship

Majella Madigan Sep 17, 2018 12:56pm

wonderful combination of mystery magick and mundane...and what it might be between two...beautifully written

Rebecca Burton Sep 17, 2018 12:41pm

I lost my soul mate and father to my children as he transitioned male to female. My children have her tho still. I have hope of meeting someone else wonderful and in touch with their feelings, a real man to enjoy lives give and take, turbulance, love and lust. In fact I suspect I already have, just when I wasn't looking X

Rebecca Burton Sep 17, 2018 12:36pm

Absolutely beautiful. X

Khara-Jade Warren Sep 12, 2018 6:28pm

Your comment made me smile so much! <3

Darniel Small Sep 12, 2018 10:34am

Enjoyed this!

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 11, 2018 8:01pm

Thank you Jennifer, so pleased you enjoyed the article. Blessings Arun

Arun Eden-Lewis Sep 11, 2018 8:00pm

Thank you Johnny, your comments are as inspiring as the article! Bless you brother. Arun

John Noonan Sep 11, 2018 4:19pm

This article is incredible. When I read it I was moved emotionally and found myself drifting away into the descriptions of emotions. It's been quite some time since I've cried from reading an article, but this reminded me of how grateful I am to have found a soulmate who embodies these miraculous qualities that our author Arun is able to bring to light in this passage. What an opportunity to start the day in gratitude, to be in the moment, and to create positive energy, to start in the right direction, by connecting to a higher energy source. This article inspires me to be more connected emotionally to my partner, and to want to write more descriptive words. Arun is able to capture the feeling I get when I believe in my love, and the power associated with the movement of our energy as love. The movement of Xi. Thank you sir. This was a wonderful way to start the day. And yes, when you find a woman who is what you have described here, MARRY HER!! I did. And I cannot tell you how much happiness we share in this life. Peace

Jennifer Evangelista Sep 11, 2018 1:36pm

I love this.

Khara-Jade Warren Sep 11, 2018 9:09am