How Faith and God Helped Me in Recovery

By Kevin Repass

My family never pushed any moral, religious or political beliefs onto us growing up. They allowed us to be open-minded and form our own ideas. I’ve struggled with depression since I was a teenager. I also struggled with drug addiction and alcoholism until my 30th birthday. The trials and tribulations I faced throughout this time span made me question everything.

I didn’t believe in any sort of God- I had no hope, no faith in anyone or anything. I had no reason to. I found myself getting arrested for a crime I didn’t intentionally commit at the age of 22. At the age of 25, I fell in love with a girl I hoped to spend the rest of my life with only to suffer from a devastating heartbreak which resulted in heavy drinking, drug use, severe depression, constant thoughts of suicide, an overdose, a trip to a hospital and finally a detox and rehab center. I felt like the entire universe was against me. I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually broken from the events that unfolded. I lost all my hope and faith in everyone and everything. I had no trust or love for anyone or anything. How could I? I viewed the world as nothing but a sick, cruel, cold-hearted revolving blob.

My faith and hope in God was restored the minute before I got into the car with my parents to enter rehab. I prefer not to share the spiritual experience but it allowed me to accept and believe that I was doing the right thing. It allowed me to believe that everything was going to be okay and that everything I had been through happened for a reason. I saw a sign from God that I needed to see in my darkest, most desperate time of need.

I only recall ever going to a church service twice in my life- both times were after the aforementioned breakup. I attended church out of desperation but later came to the realization I just wasn’t ready to accept God at that point in time or maybe He wasn’t ready to accept me. I wanted to accept and I tried but I wasn’t ready. Once I entered rehab, all of that would change.

I found out my treatment center offered to take us to a church service every Sunday morning. I made the decision that maybe now was the time for me to find and accept God and for Him to accept me. It helped that I was attending along with other drug addicts and alcoholics who were just as broken and desperate. I remember when I nervously walked into the service I was expecting to burst into flames- for I was never a saint and never claimed to be one. Instead, I got chills and goosebumps from the first few opening hymns the band and choir performed. It was healing, soothing and uplifting. It was exactly what I needed to hear and feel for the first time in my life- the restoration of faith and the presence of God.

A lot of people say “God has a plan for all of us” or “it’s all part of God’s plan.” I never believed it until now. Everything really does happen for a reason. I still wish I never had to go through the trials and tribulations I was put through. I was getting sick and tired of feeling like everything was working against me. I was sick and tired of being tested. What if I had given in, given up and surrendered to my demons? What if I never went to rehab or gotten the help that I needed? I never thought I was a bad person. I just made poor decisions and was incapable of seeing the problems I had could have easily been fixed; thus resulting in a different outcome. Or maybe not- I can only speculate. What I do know is that re-establishing and restoring my faith in God has finally allowed me to see that He continues to guide me to exactly where I’m supposed to be. He guided me through rehab and continues to do so throughout my sobriety and recovery. I know that I will face many more challenges in life but I am already battle-tested and battle-scarred as a soldier of God. My hope is regained, my faith is restored, my weaknesses are now strengths and I am now the person God wanted me to be all along. I just refused to believe I was capable of being as such. His light has overtaken the darkness that is my past. I continue to follow it in the present and will continue to follow until it is time for us to meet.

Kevin Repass is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. He is a writer for https://yourfirststep.org/ a south Florida-based company dedicated to providing resources and information to all those struggling with drug and alcohol addiction.