The bottle of cognac I received was a wonderful gift but for the fact that the bottle was opened and a small amount removed to light up my benefactor. She may as well have kept the whole bottle as far as I was concerned. I can identify with her impulse myself, I am sad to say, but I don’t follow through. Some things are just bad manners.

Have you ever shopped for others and noticed how much you have to resist things for yourself demanding your attention? I find it astounding that I can’t walk by a watch display at Costco without putting on the blinders, even though I have a recently purchased watch on my wrist. When I shop for friends or family, I have a rule prohibiting any purchases for myself. But the sad fact is that resisting the attraction of personal items requires energy and decreases the pleasure of shopping for gifts.

While it may be a step in the right direction to keep shopping for others, “for others,” it is far from solving the problem of greed. The Rolling Stones point us in the right direction when they say, “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try some time, you just might find, you get what you need.” I suppose if what they say is true, those of us who have what we “need,” should take it to the next level and free ourselves of “want,’ something the song does not address the “how to” of.

Being free of “want” is real contentment, but elusive. While it may seem that such contentment would requires a simple lifestyle, I think such characterization unfair and untrue. In poor countries it is readily observed that many of the poor have found contentment within the strictures of their poverty, yet others are hopelessly motivated by unfulfillable ambitions. In developed nations we have those accumulating wealth who are obsessed with the numbers and those who pay little attention. Whether as a rich person or a poor one, it can be said that “wanting” less is equally challenging and equally possible.

There is no simple method to realize contentment and end attachment. Those who have realized it are often not “dharma” practitioners or followers of any religion. But certain qualities can be noticed. Some years ago Forbes magazine ran a story on the top ten world’s “hidden givers.” The winner was the founder of the “Duty Free” shops we see throughout the world’s airports, Chuck Feeney. He gave his half (worth over six billion dollars) of the business away without even the sole other partner finding out for many years. So, one quality of giving is giving without hope of recognition, solely for the benefit of others. That kind of virtue develops real generosity and is within the reach of any one of us.

It doesn’t take much analyses to notice that rich or poor we can only eat so much food, wear so many clothes, sleep so many hours, and that fundamentally we are all the same. At birth we are gifted breath and a human body. The yogis view little else a necessity, but most of us aren’t there yet and start accumulating as the years pass.

How much we accumulate and become attached to things will depend on how well we listen to our instincts, for it is obvious that generosity and non-attachment is not only within the domain of the religious specialist, for there are too much contrary examples pointing elsewhere, mainly that generosity is innate, though heavily disguised.

The yogi is in all of us, and books and ascetics are only reminders for those of us who have forgotten. We begin finding contentment through the practice of giving. It may take practice because of lack familiarity, but through giving habitually, familiarity is certain.

I often find that when I hanker after something I don’t need; the only solution is to purchase that thing for someone else. Over the years my gifts have included travel expenses for family to places I longed to go and jewelry, and watches! I have found that I can live vicariously through friends and family this way aand effectively reduce want.

Giving is an expression of love and sharing and I believe it leads to a stress-free life. I think depression and stress would go on holiday if we could realize the truth of the Rolling Stone’s advice through actual practice. I try, little by little, and it works.