Did you know that Vampire expectations exist? Most people don’t; they just experience them.

The biggest problem with Vampire expectations is that they lurk around in your subconscious, hidden, unseen, and pop up out of no where to ruin your day.

They suck the Happiness out of you. So what can you do about them?

Think about this simple equation that predicts happiness:

Contentment = Achievement/Expectations

In other words, how happy or content you are with a situation is directly related to your expectations of that situation.

Just let that sink in for a minute.

How happy you are is dependent on what you expect vis-à-vis what actually happens or occurs. Pretty simple concept.

Simply have expectations that are aligned with reality or what is likely to occur. Easy…Peasy.

If it’s so simple, why is it so hard to be happy?

Broadly speaking it’s hard to match achievement and expectations largely because you are either:

• Unaware of the expectation in the situation or
• So tied to expectations (or beliefs) you can’t see any other way.

I am going to focus on #1, those expectations you are unaware of. Your Vampire Expectations.

I call these Vampire expectations for the obvious reason; they suck the life, and happiness, out of you.

Seriously, just like there are human vampires; you know those people that suck the energy out of a room, there are expectations that keep you running in circles, constantly annoyed, irritated and agitated with life; never getting what you want or expect.

Vampire expectations lurk in your subconscious, driving actions, reactions, thoughts, behaviors and emotions. They were planted in your mind at a very early age, so early you don’t remember anything about them.

That’s why they have so much power. They’re hidden.

You’re just used to them and don’t think about them. It’s kind of like walking. Do you have to think about how to walk? Nope.

Vampire expectations are like that. Whatever the object of their attention is, you don’t have to think about it. You just REACT.

What are you to do about these nasty, hidden, happiness sucking Vampire expectations?

That’s easy peasy too, just bring them into the light. Just like a real life vampire (meaning movie vampires) shining bright daylight on the evil one makes it go POOF and disappear.

The problem with any Vampire is actually finding it. Movie vampires are a bit easier to locate as they need to sleep somewhere during the day. [Hint: Their coffin]

Vampire expectations however live in your subconscious. Hidden. Unseen. Unknown.

So, how do you find them in all that dark murky confusing stuff in your mind?

Here’s how….Vampire expectations show up in every day life as agitation, annoyance or irritability.

You’re just annoyed and not exactly sure why, sometimes not even aware that you are annoyed. There was no major crisis or problem recently that you can put your finger on. You just feel ‘off’ and annoyed.

You may be ‘should-ing’ all over yourself and others…’I should have…’ or ‘He shouldn’t have…’ or ‘They should…’

This is another way Vampire expectations show up. They tell you something should be different than what it is or how it happened.

In other words, the ‘achievement’ part of the equation did not meet your expectation. And hence you are unhappy.

These are your cues to stop and pay attention. Examine your annoyance and irritation. Trace it back to an event or situation. It may be such a small event that it is hard to put your finger on. Think about similar times when you had this annoyance. What are the commonalities?

Once you pinpoint the event or situation, ask yourself some questions:

• What was the expectation associated with the ‘should’? Name it. Try to be as specific as possible.
• What is the source of the expectation? How has it served you or helped you in the past?
• Does it really matter? What if you decided to get rid of that expectation? Will the earth stop rotating?

Here’s a simple example to help put this into practice.

Your arms are full with bags as you approach the door to a building along with another person, a gentleman. It has been a good day and you are in a fairly good mood. You slow your approach to allow the gentleman to open the door for you. You do this automatically. It’s not a conscious thought.  

The gentleman opens the door and walks through, not holding it for you. You juggle your bags to hold the door open with your foot and go on through. You’re annoyed but don’t dwell on it but you also have a fleeting thought that he should have held the door for you.

When you get upstairs you yell at the dog and snap at the kids for not putting the dishes in the dishwasher. You slam the groceries into the fridge and wonder why life is so hard. Good mood gone!

What happened here? There was a Vampire expectation at play that was not met.

“A gentleman always opens the door for a lady” is buried somewhere in your subconscious. It has served you well, allowing gentlemen to be gentlemen and showing respect for common courtesy. You are a lady.

Ask yourself ‘Does it really matter?’

In the scheme of life, your life, no it doesn’t. Allowing that Vampire expectation to be in control has now take the happiness out of the day and turned you into a cranky person to be around.

Is this what you want? Not likely.

Simply identifying and examining the expectation will most likely make it go POOF.

You’ve brought it into the light where it can’t survive.

Next time you approach a door with full arms, you will simply open the door yourself or ask for help. No annoyance. No irritation. No snapping at the kids. No Vampire expectations lurking around.

Achievement now meets Expectations.

Life is good. Life is happy.

 

Author: Yvette Costa

Image: alexanderudjuk – Fotolia