Love. Not just any love. But jaw-dropping, heart fluttering, EPIC love. The love that makes the Angels weep. A love with so much beauty that Venus herself wants in on the action.
If you’re anything like me then experiencing this type of love has been one of your main aims in life. Other loves have come and gone, but there’s never been that spark. Never been that intense connection that seems so real in your imagination. You know it exists because it’s in your dreams every night. The very thought of it keeps hope alive that one day it’ll land right in your lap, in such an exquisite way.
But you’re busy being awesome and getting out isn’t as easy as it used to be. So being the tech-savvy on-trend gal that you are, you don’t seem the harm in delving into the realm of dating apps… the cheek of it. Cue Tinder.
As you swipe left, then right, then left again, and that’s a DEFINITE left, the years of relationships gone by make a joyful return into the subconscious.
You get to relive everything (in detail) as you vow that this time things will be different. You won’t let that boyfriend put you down in public or treat you as a hobby. You won’t date that guy who was clearly not worthy of your time. You won’t put up with the many emotionally detached men who will never be your equal. You won’t be abused and you won’t be second best. Nope. It ain’t happening.
This time you’ll put all that aside and start with a clean slate. Lessons learnt, let’s crack on.
You’ve done the inner work; you’ve forgiven, released, cleansed, toned and moisturised. You know who you are and you love her. You’re an empowered woman now. You have desires. You know it’s going to be scary but you’re more than ready to give epic love a chance.
After two years of prowling the much-loved Tinder app, here are my top tips for finding epic love (and I promise you it does exist):
#1 Own your throne.
If you want epic then you need to be epic. No more hiding behind the image you show to the world – ask the question ‘who am I?’
You want to have a profile that screams YOU.
List your unique quirks and be unapologetic in how you sell yourself. I stood proud as I wrote that I was a witch who was addicted to crisps and demanded daily attention. My photos consisted of me riding a spring horse in a kids playground, pretending I was the moon (through an empty toilet roll tube) and laughing hysterically at a wedding – not magazine cover worthy, but at least they knew upfront who I was.
#2 Dare to be different.
A friend once quoted to me “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always got” – it transformed the way I approached things.
Have you really found epic love by sticking with standard? No you haven’t, so put aside your idea of a ‘type’ and open your mind to wider possibilities. So what if they’re older than you’d normally choose, their bio is perfect so give them a chance. You have children but they don’t, swipe right anyway because it may not be a problem and they might find the family they’ve been longing for with you. Large build isn’t your thing? Well now it is, and you might just fall in love with the way they make you laugh.
Same is boring. Be prepared to change things up a little and see where it takes you.
#3 House rules, rule.
Trust me, there’s no point going into this blindly. An open mind is great but there’s always something that’s a definite no no. Take some time to work out what’s a big turn off for you and use it as your navigation to the yes and maybe’s.
For me, I like effort and an empty bio was a big fat no – they might be swiping purely on looks, but I liked to delve a little deeper into the personality. Smokers, no thank you – any sign of a cigarette in the photo and it was an immediate left. Middle finger raised, erm manners please – at least show some respect. Selfies with fish and tigers (!) – need I say more?
Sure, there’s going to be plenty that will be pleasing to the eye but stick to the rules regardless. Your rules are there to save you (that one exception could easily turn into twenty, and then you’re back where you started)
#4 Be hot pink bold.
Don’t be afraid to make the first move. You’re empowered remember, start as you mean to go on. If they can’t handle you taking charge then they’re not your epic love.
Don’t begin with a feeble ‘hey’ either – you want to stand out and be noticed. Ask a question about something in their bio or go one step further and get some banter going – it’s flirty and it’s fun.
Turn up the heat by giving them a compliment (you know you’ve examined every inch of their photos by now). They will love the fact that you’re giving them attention, and this will put them more at ease to return the favour. Result.
#5 Open up.
When you do make that gorgeous connection, nurture it. All the past hurts are bound to have left an impression on your heart, but vulnerability is so damn sexy. If you’re really loving their vibe, don’t hold it in – be honest and let them know how you feel. What’s the worst that can happen after all? If you’ve gotten this far then they’re already totally into you too.
Most people find talking about their feelings comfortable, but you’re not most people. You’re an empowered woman and emotions are your birth right. Speaking from the heart is raw and deep, epic loves needs this in order to thrive.
#6 Have fun
Nothing is guaranteed. Even when you find epic love. Time is precious and it’s easy to get carried away with future plans, totally forgetting to be present in the now.
Tomorrow hasn’t happened yet so go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Be spontaneous, embark on adventures, push boundaries and laugh while you’re doing it. However long it lasts, epic love will be in your thoughts forever so make sure you don’t miss or waste a second.