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4.7
February 1, 2019

Love doesnt always look like love…

Am I having trouble finding it? Yes, sometimes, I think everybody struggles at some point. Everybody has their own definition of it, everyone has their own idea of what it should be. So much so that people have to come to an agreement about how it should be showed to them. I have heard a few stories of how people have seen it or identified it in others, even though it was heavily disguised. Sometimes you only see it years later.

My father and I didn’t always see eye to eye. We had a few rough (teenage and early adult) years. I often speak about the happy things, but life is never perfect, and we did have our fair share of friction. I remember once when I was 19, my dad was driving me to Ashram in his blue Skyline. It was just the two of us in the car. It had been a few tense days, and my father started off by apologizing for the tension and started with his usual lectures about how I shouldn’t have done what I did (excuse me for not sharing the details, I still cringe when I think of it). After he was finished I piped up, “But Dad, you need to let go of me a little, I’m old enough now.” That took courage to say, but I said it and I was proud of myself. Of course I had life figured out when I was 19. I will never forget the look of utter shock and hurt on his face. He couldn’t even find his words. Of course, 19 year old me, took it for anger at that time. Some of you may know that we never spoke to our parents in that manner, in that time. When he found his words, he calmly said, “Terrisha, do you think I am going to let you go to do as you please, to ruin your life?’ One of the things that he repeatedly said to Yuraisha and I when we were having our rebel moments, “In your teenage years, you can make your life or you can break your life.” Of course we thought he was just over exaggerating. And he never let go of us. And we found each other again after those rough couple of years and the last few years of his life were pleasant and enjoyable, for which I am so glad. When I look at Ud, Diya, Thiyag and Talish, my love for them is so fierce, I would have trouble letting them go, I understand what my parents felt all those years ago and I understand that they only found the strength to keep going because of their love for us. I know now, that no matter how hard it gets, I will never give up on my children, I will never let them go…

So yes, I couldn’t see his love for me then but I see it so clearly now…and I wonder, am I still not seeing it in certain circumstances? Could I be so self-absorbed that I refuse to see it unless it presents itself in the way that I want to see it? Yes, I do struggle to find it at times but I should also remember to look for it in in its other forms…we should all remember that. Thank you Mum and Dad for loving us so fiercely and for never letting us go.
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