You will never guess
How interesting healing will be,
Until you look at yourself
With utmost honesty.

*Deep breath*

“Who am I really?”
I did first wonder.
Looking at my own face
As if it were a stranger’s.

I jumped at describing
Who I understood I was,
But the words that came up
Seemed seasoned with flaws.

I am a woman, age 38.
Cancer survivor, divorcee,
Recovering alcoholic.
Those things all describe me.

That felt incomplete,
That’s not really me.
Are those sticky labels,
Or just what people see?

So I restart the list,
A fresh one this time.
With words that I feel inside,
Words I consider mine.

*Deep breath*

I talk a whole lot,
I am loving and kind.
I’m a little goofy,
I have a creative mind.

Words that best describe me
Would be “one of a kind,
Full of life, excitable,
Best intentions all the time”.

I am not my disease,
Nor am I my history.
I am who I am today,
That’s what defines me.

I still have a hard time,
If I’m being honest,
Living my true identity
Mixed in with all of the rest.

In a world of social media
and constant comparison,
How do we find ourselves
And stand out as a person?

So that’s why I write this,
And tell you my story.
I want to show the world
Who I am actually.

*Deep breath*

Here we go:

I give names to all things,
And believe in fairies.
I sing to the dog,
And write in diaries.

I love cheese and olives,
And always love bread.
I think meat’s okay,
But prefer tofu instead.

I love music and art,
And all things creative.
I cry at sappy movies,
I’m definitely sensitive.

My friends are my family,
My parents are my friends.
I have the best tribe,
I love them to no end.

THAT.

That’s me.

How does this relate,
To the mention of healing?
That’s what I’m guessing
You might be thinking.

Letting concerns define me,
Caused my illness and shame.
What I thought and they thought
Was never the same.

I had to sit alone,
To truly find myself,
And get to know me
Better than anyone else.

I’m not there yet,
I am still learning.
But this healing journey
Is all about growing.

Every day I discover
Another secret trait,
Something about myself
That I really don’t hate.

There’s no Advil for confidence
It is all found within.
Self-care and stillness
Is the best medicine.

If you, too, are searching
To find the answers true,
Just listen to your heart
It’ll show you the real you.

Start slow and breath through it
Take your time, set your pace.
Healing is a journey
Not a competition, or a race.

So I remind myself
Be still and trust,
Know that it will be okay
It is, it will, it must.

I am who I am,
Of this I am sure.
Thanks for reading this story,
Trust me, there’ll be more!

Much love,

Marion Deschênes
Pen name: MarMar Oaks
Blogger, writer, artist, maker.
www.fuzzyclouds.ca