I was brunching with a friend last weekend when she looked at me and said with surprise “are you telling me that you meet men organically, like not on apps.” “Yes,” I replied equally surprised. She followed with “oh, I didn’t know anyone did that anymore. I guess since you an expert, you know how.” I could see the disappointment on her face.
I didn’t know how to reply to my friend- a beautiful, intelligent, high quality, career woman who felt her only option for love was the Internet. I wanted to tell her that there are many avenues for finding true love and that it takes practice and a few old fashioned skills. Instead, I said nothing. I went back to my avocado toast and moved on to another topic. This is my overdue response to her and any other women who think that their only option for love is the Internet.
Dating apps are not your only chance at love.
Dating apps are a tool that you can use to meet new people. They are ONE of many available tools. Think about dating like job searching. How difficult and frustrating would it be to find the perfect career if the only place you looked was craigslist? I imagine you would loose hope rather quickly. Instead, casting a wide net opens-up options and possibilities that you may not have considered previously.
Meeting a potential new mate in person starts with the right attitude and mastering a few interpersonal relationship skills.
Treat everyday like the day you are going to meet your soul-mate
The goal is to get into the flow of meeting people and have fun with it. Think of everywhere you go as a place to meet someone special. Every new contact brings you closer to the right one for you. Potential mates are everywhere, including the grocery store, coffee shops, the gym, local festivals & farmers markets, meet-up groups, salsa lessons etc. The list of possibilities goes on.
Learn how to flirt face to face
For a potential mate to approach you, they need to think that you are open to talk to you. Eye contact is key. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Eye contact communicates that you are interested in and available for human connection. Follow these steps to start a flirt:
- Make eye contact
- Hold the eye contact for a little longer than normal (approx. 2 seconds)
- Smile big
- Wait for them to approach you, or say something yourself.
Face to face flirting might seem awkward at first but it gets easier with practice. How good it feels when someone flirts with you face to face? Even if they’re not someone you are interested in the attention and positive reinforcement feel amazing.
Dress to impress
Make sure that you leave your house looking presentable. You don’t have to be a perfect super model, but put your best foot forward. Our eyes give us our first impression of someone new. Wear clothing that accentuates your features and isn’t sloppy. Knowing that you look good boosts confidence and makes it easier to get into the flow of flirting. It also signals potential mates that you are attractive and available. It communicates the universe: “I want to be seen and to be loved.”
Be mindful of your surroundings
Be mindful of your surroundings when you are in public. What is the first that you do when you are in public and uncomfortable or board? Get on your phone. These moments of discomfort and boredom are the exact moments when you can meet someone new. Remember how good real social face-to-face contact feels? When you are in public, take your headphones out, and put your phone away. Take a few minutes to notice who is around you. You’ll find opportunities to flirt. Don’t let your next lover to pass you by because you’re checking social media.
Yes, you can still date organically
Meeting your potential mate in person requires mastering the dying art of face-to-face interpersonal contact. It takes some practice, but it is well worth it. Think about how awesome it would feel to tell your friends how you met Mr. Right in an authentic and unique way. You can do it. It all starts with an attitude of possibility, an attention to beauty and a lot of eye contact.
Kirsten Keach is a licensed couples therapist turned international relationship coach based in Orlando, Florida. It is her mission to empower women to have extraordinary sex and soul-loving relationships. Looking for love? Learn more about her Soulmate Accelerator program at Kirsten at her website manifestyourlove.com and Instagram @kirstenkeach