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March 13, 2019

How I got a student to give me his mobile during a teaching session.

Today I come to tell you how I got a student with a high degree of conflict in the classroom to give me his cell phone after having been using it during a teaching session. What I am going to tell you is exactly what happened. And I am going to tell you so that you can see that there are many ways to agree with our students, that there are many ways to reach agreements and that the most important thing is not that you win, but that you win, the student and the group.

First attempt to get his cell phone.

When I saw him, I sat down again, stopped the class and spoke to him, without moving from my place. I told him that I had seen him use his cell phone and that the regulation was clear about it. So I asked him to please give me his cell phone. What was the student’s reaction? The student’s reaction was to deny that he was using his cell phone. While I was speaking to him in a word, he hid his cell phone in his pocket. He said he had no cell phone.

Second attempt to get my cell phone.

What I did next was something I want you to remember well. I got up from the chair and moved forward until I was stuck to the blackboard, at a considerable distance from the student. It was the first negotiation and it was not convenient to get close to the student. In this position, I managed to gain visibility and presence, but I also tried to win the rest of the class to help me get the student to give me his mobile. I repeated to the student that I had seen him using his mobile phone and that he should respect the rules of the center, like the other classmates. At that time it was about empathizing with the student and the group. And there was a change. The student recognized that he had used the mobile phone, but that he would not give it to me.

Third attempt to get my cell phone.

The moment came when I approached him but respecting his vital space, without overwhelming him. The tone he had used to talk to him had been at all times relaxed, leisurely, quiet and with clear instructions in which he had reminded the regulation. For the third time, I asked him to give me his cell phone and he continued to refuse. And at that moment it was when I decided to agree, at that moment I saw that I could not win at all, that to win I also had to lose.

How did I negotiate so he could give me his mobile?

When I saw that the conversation was becoming entrenched, I decided to change strategy and negotiate, that is, to reach a pact in which the student realized that he, too, could earn something. What I agreed with him was that in exchange for his cell phone back, I promised him that at the end of the school session he would return it instead of giving it to the head of studies. Also, to avoid an incident sheet, I asked him to commit not to take my cell phone anymore in my class. When I finished explaining the agreement, something amazing happened and the best of the story. Two students in the class, almost in unison, addressed their classmate and told him it was a good deal, that it was worth accepting, that it seemed fair to them. What I had achieved was to put the class in my favor and that was decisive,

What did I do next?

The first thing I did was to thank him for giving me his cell phone and then thanked the group for helping me to solve the conflict among all. I repeated the pact to the student. Moreover, I took the phone and left it on my desk reminding him that at the end of the class he would return it instead of taking it to the head of studies. Having said that, I continued with the class.

What can you learn from the story of the student who gave me his cell phone?

One of the phases of the resolution of a conflict, of mediation, is to agree. Undoubtedly, this is one of the most important processes of mediation because, in this phase, each of the members must give in to something.

On many occasions, teachers forget to agree and punish directly. Yes. I know that I did not meet the center’s norm with regard to the mobile, but sometimes you have to pass the rules and evaluate the situation and the profile of the student. And certain situations require certain solutions. What I agreed with the student in the management of conflicts is called commitment, which is nothing more than using strategies that allow you to obtain a part of your interests in exchange for giving in to others. It is also called miniganar / miniperder.

  • Miniganar:
    • I get the student’s mobile. The student commits or does not return to take it out.
    • The student obtains the mobile at the end of the teaching session. Avoid an incident sheet.
  • Miniperder:
    • I do not strictly comply with the norm imposed by the center.
    • The student loses the rest of the teaching session without a cell phone and has committed himself to a word that will not get him out of my classes anymore.

Finally, I would like to remind you of some actions that should be kept in mind in these situations:

  • Maintain a firm tone, but not authoritarian.
  • Do not raise your voice, do not shout. Keep a conversational tone and you will gain the confidence of the student and the group.
  • Do not go in the first instance towards the student. Go slowly approaching so you do not feel pressure from the beginning.
  • Do not just talk to the student, go also to the rest of the class and earn your complicity.
  • Thanks to the student and the rest of the classmates for the fact that you have reached a compromise, a pact.

When I think of the word pacta, I always think of the gray color, of that color between black and white, between victory and defeat, between imposition and negotiation … By the way, the student has kept his word and has not returned to take your mobile on my subject.

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