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One of the most difficult aspects of becoming a single mother to my four-year-old son, since he turned two, and the thing I most often feel like I’m failing at, is holding enough space for the both of us.
I believe our children come into our lives to play an important role in our personal expansion, and they are the first to show you just how enlightened you aren’t. The challenging part has been not only processing my divorce, but also having him regularly mirroring out a lot of my pain and trauma.
It can feel really disheartening sometimes—that the that the person who I most want to show up for and give the best versions of me to, is the one who is showing me where all my growth work is.
Despite the mess, the tantrums, and the tears, we’re finding our way together, looking out for each other, and learning a lot about what it truly means to love without condition.
Some nights you crawl back in
For those secret cuddles
When they’re fast asleep
And you say your sorries
For all the ways
You’re not measuring up
And all the ways
You know you’ve messed up
And you drink in that baby smell
And you pray they will always keep that baby smell
Then you walk out into the living room
And pick up the pieces to another day
Of being alone as a single mother.