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June 5, 2019

Flinstones First Love

It was the fall of 1986, I was a freshman in college.  He’d met all of my friends on my freshman hall first.  He was in the dorm right next door.  Now messages, do they even exist anymore?  Sigh.  I remember how much I soaked up the attention I got from him, the sense that maybe I wasn’t that hard to love after all.  He offered something that felt like an antidote to what I had, offered something I didn’t have.  I should have known it was kind of like the Flinstones at the drive in, a big hunk of something that was about to tip my car over.  It’s okay, it’s okay, don’t be ashamed I tell myself, it was necessary.  The beginning of my search for balance and self-acceptance.  It continues today, as I give Flinstones vitamins to the children I had to another man who the fates gave me to provide an even bigger unbalancing, a bigger gift, in a better disguise.  I think, along the way, I’m learning to love myself.  God, I hope my children learn that lesson from me.  Flinstones vitamins take on new meaning.  I don’t actually give them those vitamins, but I suppose I’m inventing my own.   A daily dose of self love however messy or unromantic it looks, is the best I have to give.

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