I “meet” him online.

My immediate thought was that he was my soulmate.

I fell in love with his portrait and his mind.

I thought he was better then me in many ways and this is how I started to fall in a deep abyss of self destruction and self-deception not believing nor trusting anymore in my intuition, my instincts and my gut feeling.

He made me trust him at first.

I started to open up to him because the truth was I trusted him more than me.

It was like a choice I had to made several times between me and him and Ironically I chose him not me.

Soon he became my addiction.

An addiction I tried to break free from many times but I could not because he was always there fascinating me with his absent presence. He feed me with an empty spoon so to speak.

Its been many months now that I am free from this addiction to him.

It feels like months  of sobriety and victory and I am proud of myself for making it…for  breaking my addiction to his abuse…to his emotional twisting games and mental manipulation.

I can’t believe I silenced myself for so long. Never having the courage to question him, everything about him.

…it took me years to discover and realize  that gaslighting is a real phenomena. You parent,your spouse,your sibling ,your friend ,your lover or anyone who you have a very strong relationship or connection with can potentially gaslit you.

……………..

Gaslighting is a form of subtle mental and emotional manipulation when first the abuser gains the victim’s trust and has a basic understanding of their inner world. Once this is achieved the victim is attacked in very subtle ways in what is foundamental for a human beings : feeling worthy and validated, loved and protected.  The abuser gaslights the  victim by attacking his weakest sides making the victim oftentimes question their own reality and their own sanity.

A point is reached when the victim distrust themselves and their intuition and trusts the abuser’s version of any story or anything.

If the victim rebels and refuses to accept what the abuser is telling as truth ,the abuser will make the victim believe that they have lost their mind or are emotionally unstable.

The forms of manipulation are so invisible it’s really hard for the victim to understand what is real and what is not real in his mind. He/she may start to question if they are crazy or something is so wrong.

The abuser will make sure he reaches the end of the game :to make the victim believe that they are crazy or paranoid.

…………….

In my own personal experience of being gaslighted, he always fed me with an empty spoon. He always gave me hope but never kept his words and promises.

When he broke his own words he told me It was me fantasizing because he never told me those words.

He made sure I forgot about past episodes and if i refused to do so he would tell me I have a bad memory.

He fooled me. Big time. He fed be big fat lies. All the time.

And I ate them all like delicious food not knowing the poison in them.

If you are suspecting that you might be a victim of a gaslighter here are some of the signs you might experience based on my own experience (through my inner work and inner realizations that came after lots of inner introspection and alone time):

1.You feel  damaged deep down anytime they makes a gross joke about you or your best friend(s). You feel belittled by their jokes.

2.You feel damaged when they play with your low self esteem and deep rooted insecurities.

3.You feel damaged anytime they deny the reality and their words by calling you “emotionally unstable” or telling you that you have memory issues.They twist the reality and blame you for  misunderstanding or for doing the “wrong” things. They are always right, you are wrong.

4. You feel damaged anytime they ask why you cry by making fun of your pain or telling you that you are being like a child instead of being an adult.

5.You feel damaged when you tell them about any possible childhood trauma you had and they ignore your feelings completely by reacting in a cold or aloof way, completely detached from their emotions, not  ex pressing any form of empathy or affection.

6.You feel damaged when they keep you going back to them even if they never had nor will they have (ever) any intention of loving you.

7.You feel damaged  when they make

you trust them so much by making you distrust your logic and judgment.

8.You feel damaged when you start to question your own sanity and reality because of the confusion they create in your mind.

9.You feel damaged anytime they belittle you even if they do it in a “humorous” way.

10.You feel damaged anytime they keep you waiting and offering nothing.

11.You feel emotionally drained and psychologically trapped like there is no escape from this inner states they slowly and subtly put you in.

12.You feel damaged when they make you addicted to them like they were a drug.

13.You feel damaged when you don’t know who you are anymore, what your true desires and needs are because they have made you question them all by ignoring your basic needs and desires as a foundamental part of who you are as a unique human being, so you can trust their version on anything.

14.They play constantly the game of pulling you in and pushing you away from having a connection with them.

There might be many more warning signs to look for but these are some main ones I discovered along the way trying to make it through the huge fog he put me through.

I learned my hard lessons from him. It took me a while though and I am still in the process of recovery. There is still intense feelings like anger arising anytime I think about this story but it’s getting lesser and lesser.

Because of this story I am not the same person & woman anymore.

The woman inside me is finding her way back to herself and her inner power,having  zero tolerance for certain men with manipulative and narcissistic personality traits.

She is in the process of claiming her worth and standing up for herself  for her sake and on behalf of other women or men who might be suffering like she did.

Make no mistake about this ; The gaslighter  a.k.a the abuser will wake you up.

Yes. Big time. They will wake you up from your own sleep and they will “help” you to throw away the pink lenses or eye glasses and see the reality as it is not as you fantasize it is.

BUT one thing to remember : in oppose to what the gaslighter told you about yourself, you must remind yourself of  these truths (your truths) :

Your feelings matter.

Your emotions are valid.

Your gut feelings  are the correct compass most of the time.

Your tears or pain make your eyes more beautiful.

Your suffering is your growth and maturity.

The gaslighter will never take from you something foundamental : your essence. You can dust it off and connect with it again and start living the life of your dreams.

But there is healing you have to do.

There is intense inner work and it must start with healing your wounded child who suffered similar trauma in the past as a little boy or girl.

Many people seek a therapist to walk through the process of recovery.

Some other people try meditation.

I have tried meditation, long walks along the ocean…and many natural remedies.

See what works best for you.

But let me tell you another truth: you will come out of this experience a badass warrior because you will be transformed dramatically and will have new eyes, better awareness and your gut signal will become more in tune with the truth and will quickly tell you what person and personality to avoid that may be damaging to you and your inner well being.

And no you are not a victim. You are a fighter who had won another battle in life as is coming out of it more mature.

And finally I am assuming if you have ever suffered from being gaslighted you must be an empath.

Guess what ?

There are only 12% people from the world population that have your heart and so as an empath myself the world needs us, our experiences and stories.

So let get out there and live again.