I am not a ‘normal’ woman.

I will never be.

Thought the standards of normal and abnormal have changed I am sure you understand what I mean by not ‘normal’.

I can be weird as fuck and make no sense at all sometimes.

At other times I will be like an oasis for your heart and mind, a safe boat where you can sail carelessly without a care in the world because I will be there to hold space for you and your core truth.

I am ever changing as a chameleon.

I change my skin with each passing season and moon’s circle.

I change my colors as the weather…one day I am  green leaves and fresh breeze at other days I am dark, mysterious, quiet like a grey sky ready to cry.

I die to the old me so that I can create myself anew each day.

I mourn anytime death happens inside of my being.

I grieve. I cry. I become loud. Or quiet and numb.

I am deep.

I am dark, at time it terrifies me.

I am a soft gold light as well.

I am intense.

I am psychic.

I am a warrior.

I don’t give up even if I fall flat on my face.

Giving up is not made for me.

Being born by an army guy ( my father an ex army leader) and a nurse girl ( my mom a healer ) i belive I have the right needed elementals to not allow anything and anyone to drag me down for a long time.

I wear my strength and wilderness on my sleeves as I do wear vulnerability and softness on my heart.

I am literally made to find my way back to myself again and again anytime I lose track of my spirit and thrive.

It took me a long time to understand that I came here on this planet  to thrive. If only I can erease all the voices in my head that don’t belong to my spirit. Voices that I borrowed from others as a coping mechanism to survive as a child.

I don’t fit anywhere

but you might find me everywhere.

I am all senses and wild.

I am a sensous woman.

Erotic at my core.

I believe in the power of touch.

I can tell a lot by the way people touch me.

I crave to be touched and to touch others as well.

I crave fingertips on my face,

as they navigate the map of my eyes

with lips that tremble

and get red by the way his fingers create a chemical reaction with the components of my skin.

I can tell if a man matches with me by the way he touches me…by the way he strokes my hair and caresses my skin.

His hands landing on my lips, neck, shoulders ,down my chest, eyes gazing into each other.

I crave to be fucked and adored at the same times, eyes interlocked ,tongue to mouth.

When i feel horny I want to be treated like a whore in bed though with adoration and respect.

I don’t want myself or him to hold back.

I want all our dirty and ugly and beautiful to come up on our passionate licks and kisses …all parts of him and me…the disown, thrown away, hidden sexual parts of him and myself.

I want those dark parts to slide towards our  sheets under the soft of our lips and wild of our mouths.

I want us to hold space for each other’s sexuality as it manifests itself without fear or rejection.

But at other times I would just need and crave to put my head on his bare chest as he holds me in his arms and feel his breath landing on my nose as I gently kiss the bottom of his chin caressing his stomack with my hair.

I just need this balance when it comes to sex and love making.

I enjoy watching or reading well composed porn/erotic videos and writings as they feed my own dark sensual and sexual fantasies. But I am really picky when it comes to erotic stories. Not all are good for me and so I leave out what does not resonate with my sexual and sensual energy.

I enjoy the giving and receiving of pleasure between two people, the sounds and the feels of it.

I think sex can become the portal to our biggest awakenings.

I just don’t enjoy casual or superficial sex with people that mean nothing to me.

I need to feel turned on by a lover. I need to be seen by him. I need to get aroused be the way he smells my skin, by the way he bites my lips and the way he touches me in places I did not know existed within my inner palace.

I need to feel connected to him and him to me at some deep level in order for me to let go and let him inside of me with abandon, carefree.

Sometimes I feel very lustful and rough in my sexual fantasies at other times I feel soft and loving and gentle. I need both as both these sides are part of me.

……….

I love to wear tights and leggings.

Just because I find them super comfy.

I rarely wear jeans.

And if my shirts are too tight on my neck or chest I will cut them and design them in my own weird  style so my skin can breath and so I can feel sexy the way I need to just for my own pleasure.

Though I love to play with colors and paint my face with make up once in a blue moon I prefer to not wear make up.

You will often see me wear a normal black eyeliner and have cat eyes lined up with it.

I don’t wear lipstick, because I have this habit of licking or biting my lips and because I like the taste of my lips when they are all natural and a little dry at times.

……..

I crave hazelnut creamy hot coffee in the mornings and the smell of the mist on the trees.

I crave both quiet and loud depending on my energy level each day.

I crave the dark oftentimes where I can hide from everyone.

I crave the dark to find answers to my questions.

I crave the dark because a part of my being is dark AF.

I am terrified by the unknown and way fascinated by it at the same time.

I crave to travel into the underworld of my psyche and face my wounds, my secrets and the disowned parts of my spirit.

I want to meet them all,greet them ,embrace them and honor them equally.

I crave to lick my own wounds of yesterday with my presence and the wisdom that comes from experience.

I am not a normal woman and I will never be.

I don’t know where the term normal ends and the abnormal starts but I will never be one of many.

I am a complete paradox of many layers that surprise me all the time whenever I explore myself at some deeper level.

And so if you resonate with what I just shared please let us not hide ourselves behind the curtains of the society.

And as terrifying as it feels we need to step forward and come on the main stage

of life and share our truth.

So I invite you, wild, weirdo, your own kind of crazy creature to come out of the hidden corners of your being and speak your truth even with a trembling voice.

I have just started to take two steps forward and the dark in me is coming forth to the light…!