I find myself sitting here in the lime light of my computer screen. Staring softly at my cursor flashing before my eyes, pondering over the past 210 days of travel. And as I ponder, I begin to write.
I write about my experiences improving the person I see in the mirror, and a topic that I often discussed. A topic that has been on my mind as I step into new experiences and interactions while I travel the world.
Often we may not recognize that quiet voice of fear. Other times, it screams until our ears are ringing. And many us feel isolated and alone we fear being seen, taking certain steps, or in some cases, just living our daily lives.
What I have learned, though, my fear is not that different than yours. Nor yours from mine. How we recognize, label, and express our fear may have nuances to them
I fear rejection, I fear abandonment, I fear criticism, I fear death, I fear being cast out and more. It’s likely that it’s in different contexts than yours.
What I fear most is living a life that meant nothing by the time I’ve reached the end of it.
A life where I look back and say:
“Why didn’t I say I love you when I had a chance?”
“Why did I chase only money for happiness?”
“Why did I allow the opinions of my peers to keep me stuck?”
“Why did I allow myself to think that being ‘me’ is a problem“
I’ve done this all!
I have allowed my own self doubts to keep me in a job that I was unhappy with for a year longer than necessary. I have allowed my own fear of a relationship to trample on the opportunity to be with someone special. I have allowed my own fear about what others would think or say keep me from showing the fact that I have a deep side.
For years, I have allowed my own fear to keep me from living life from a place of love and choice.
A life where my head and heart work together to create both peace of mind and prosperity.
And it’s with this statement of creating a life where my “head and heart works together“, I find myself.
Traveling alone for long periods allows you to have many conversations with yourself. Daily conversations about, who I see myself as who I am reality, and who I am beneath it all.
I’ve spent so many years focusing on what I want and how I’m going to get it, that I became lost.
I became lost to the fact that who I am and how I see myself dictates what I focus on and how I do everything.
So while it’s great to know what I want, and how I will get it, it starts with me.
“Who am I?” I ask. And… “What kind of person do I need to be to live the life I want?”
And my time traveling solo has afforded me the space to have this conversation every day. Focused on choosing who I will become. No, who I am becoming. Rather than leaving my personal evolution to chance. If I’m going to evolve anyway, I will create the roadmap.
I will create the person I see in the mirror versus being at the effect of change in life.
And for me… who I am becoming is…
A person that can both give and receive love and kindness.
A person that can both create prosperity and peace of mind.
A person that can both live a life of adventure and yet be responsible.
For the past three years, it has become evident that I had beliefs that limited me to one or the other. I was only able to give love but didn’t know how to receive it. I was only able to create prosperity but required a high stress lifestyle. I was only able to choose to be responsible or a life of adventure.
Not both. Not in this lifetime. I’m finding more and more how I have adopted beliefs that were not my own. Chosen because they seemed to make sense at some point of my life.
And yet, they now only hold me back. My unchallenged beliefs have kept me still long enough.
Have kept me fearful of what happens if I go out of my self constructed box called my life. Have kept me in a place for many years knowing that I was not living up to my full potential. And the truth is, this is the case for many people.
Many of us underestimate what we can achieve.
We underestimate the life we can create. We underestimate the power of a belief that tells us, “we can’t”
We underestimate our resourcefulness and resiliency. I have had many uncomfortable moments, sitting in reflection during my travels.
Discovering beliefs I didn’t know I had. Beliefs that hold no ground in reality. Beliefs I adopted without questioning them. Beliefs that I’m pruning away one by one. Another example of a faulty belief I have discovered, The belief that I can’t both travel the world and fall in love along the way.
The funny thing is, I didn’t know I believed this. But it was showing up in my actions. It showed up in the way I put walls up around the potential for something to happen. So as I continue to travel and evolving into the person I want to be..
The person that sees the best in other people and lifts them up. The person that can have a prosperous life and peace of mind. And…The person that can fall in love while exploring the world…
Among many other traits and life conditions, I accept the responsibility of actively becoming this version of myself. Instead of thinking about it once and then leaving it to chance.
And the same lesson continues to come up for me.. That is the lesson of choice.
The choice we have deciding what we will believe
The choice we have deciding how we will act
The choice we have deciding what we will focus on
Playing a huge role in creating the life we see around us. Because as we all know. Change is uncomfortable. Change is never convenient. Change brings uncertainty But we also know… regardless, change is inevitable.
The question is, will we spearhead the change or be at the effect of it?