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August 18, 2019

Whites and Papers

It’s every girl’s dream at one point in their lives to be a bride and walk down the aisle dressed in white. I’ve been that girl too. It is such a beautiful vision that if you are as hopeless romantic as me, you’d shed a tear or two.

 

It is also one of my fantasies as a child. I have revised my wedding gown countless times depending on what age I’d be daydreaming and the trend on that time. I have a playlist of the songs to play, who would be my entourage and the perfect chapel decoration. Everything was all set in my imagination.

Then, I met the man of my dreams. He is everything a woman could ever hope for and more. He is gorgeous, kind,generous, compassionate and smart. A perfect candidate for a groom-to-be except that he does not want to be a groom. Although he still believes in marriage, his heart needs time.

I am in love with him and that means putting aside that vision of a woman walking in the aisle and be that woman walking alongside this man through life with it’s harsh realities.

I wrestled with insecurities thinking that perhaps there is something lacking in me that makes him not sure about our future together. Maybe I am not enough. Maybe he just does not love me that much. These and all those destructive thoughts haunted me.

But when I look into his eyes for answers, They look at me s if I’m the most perfect thing in this world. There is not a single glimpse of doubt that he loves me. It got me thinking; love is not proven by signature in a piece of paper.

I guess it’s just how unconditional love works. You don’t love a person just because he can fulfill your dreams. Sometimes, they have their own goals too, it may not be in line with what we had in mind but we are given freedom to either walk away or join them in their journey.

As for me, I chose to join him in his path for as long as I am needed.  I have my own road to follow and I am just happy knowing that I won’t have to go through it alone. I have a travel companion who will support me every step of the way and so far, it has never wavered. I think this is better than that momentary trip towards the altar.

Although I cannot have an assurance of the future, I have the certainty of now. We love each other today, perhaps tomorrow will take care of itself. He may change his mind someday but I honestly don’t care now. He may never marry me. That’s ok.

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