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September 1, 2019

How to Leave a Legacy When You Don’t Have Children

Whether you’re looking at long-term financial security advice or just seek a simple blog post on how to choose the right paper to preserve your scrapbooked memories, you’ll run into the inevitable assumption: you want to preserve something for your children and grandchildren.

What about those of us who cannot have children, and those of us who choose not to considering the high cost of living and lingering downfall of our planet?

If not for some kind of generational legacy, why do we still create?

As a creative who will not and likely cannot have children, sometimes I’ve felt that the need to create is selfish, perhaps because it’s still gratifying to do so even though I don’t have a “legacy” to leave it for. The drive to create and to make a respectable name for myself is still there, especially as a game designer.

In a world where marginalized genders are not expected to have free time for themselves and experience impostor syndrome on the regular, a large part of establishing a legacy for some requires giving oneself permission to do it.

Hell yeah, it’s selfish.

Do it anyway.

Feel bad because friends have lives revolving more closely around kids, partners, careers, or other stuff? We’ve all made our own choices in life. If having no children means you’ve got time to create, or space for a studio, you’re wasting time by not making it happen.

Your talents are still valid, as is having a savings account, even if you don’t have anyone to “leave it behind” for.

When you reach a certain age, it feels weird. Many of your friends’ lives revolve around families, and it can feel weird to not have the same thing. Some might glance longingly at pictures of your vacation (which you couldn’t have afforded if you’d had kids) or might not understand your attachment to your furbaby (pet).

Some of these relationships will last.

Others won’t.

Either way, I finally learned not to let those feelings stop me from creating.

Here are some steps I took to be more self-serving with my time:

  • Set boundaries with myself and others: I choose to use my time creatively when my partner is at work to prevent distraction. When others message me or try to schedule an appointment during that time, I say no. When I’m tempted to work a third job during that time, I tell myself to stop. It’s a challenge when money is involved, because “creative” money is a long-term effort while running out to do Uber Eats results in immediate pay, but the temptation is important to resist as long as I have enough money to live on.
  • Create a physical space for my creative endeavors: I’ve moved several times in the past three years, especially as a result of having limited income. No matter where I went I always made sure to have one devoted space for my creative activities. Most of the time, this meant converting just part of a room. One of my friends even created a backdrop and “starscape” for my creative area, which doubled as a background for my video game streaming.
  • Connect with other “selfish” collaborators and co-conspirators: You’re not the only one out there hoping to make a difference through some type of art or act of creation. Connect with collaborators to maximize the effect; build each other up and support each other through your processes.
  • See who you inspire: Your acts of creation are going to inspire others. Whether you’re inspiring a stay at home parent who always wanted to publish her own book, a student who wants to become a game designer, or another adult with doubts about their own legacy, their feedback indicates you’re leaving an indelible mark of inspiration on your subculture or society.

Here’s the best part: By creating and sharing those creations with others, I actually began to create my own community and improve the lives of others. I had added something of value; something that made people feel better about themselves or provided them with a space to relax and explore their identities.

I made things; then I released them to the world. Art’s funny like that; you’re not necessarily having children, but you’re sending a legacy out there, and it has the capacity to create change and to let others know that it’s crucial to keep going.

For me, the legacy is positive impact and change. And while it takes a community to support that, I can create it myself.

What’s your legacy?

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Tara M. Clapper  |  Contribution: 230