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September 22, 2019

I had to have My Heart Broken to Find Real Love.

 

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I had this boyfriend who I loved more than anything. I loved him so much that I forgot to love myself and all the people around me.

And all I wanted was for him to love me back. To find me important. To find me interesting. To love me as much as I loved him.

The problem was, I came off clingy and needy because I needed him to fill me up. The more I continued to pursue him the more he was uninterested. Looking back, I wish I would have spent half the amount of time showing myself love.

I would not have stayed as long as I did and I wouldn’t have continued to break my own heart for the idea of love. The problem was not that he didn’t love me, it was that I didn’t love myself. I was looking for outside validation that I was worthy of loving. My heart still breaks a little when I think back to that time, however, it was one of the most crucial times in my life. If my heart wouldn’t have been broken completely wide open, I would not know the magnitude of love like I do today.

As you might have guessed this relationship did not last and thankfully neither did my lack of self-love. This was one of those pivotal moments in life for me, all that I loved was taken away and I was left with just myself.

I finally had to look at what parts of myself stayed with someone for so long who didn’t show me the love that I deserved. The love that I was so desperately craving. I slowly had to regain my self-worth and confidence. I had to learn how to love myself and I had to start from scratch. I had abandoned all parts of myself so I had forgotten who I was.

So that is exactly where I started. I started to explore who I was. What I liked to do. Where I wanted to spend my free time. At first, I was so lost and felt completely alone. I started to meditate and journal daily. I spent time in nature. I spent a lot of time alone. I started to connect more with my friends. But most importantly, I started to connect with myself.

The girl who I abandoned for the sake of love. What I know now is that nothing is more important than her. This relationship with yourself is the most sacred gift that we are given.

To nurture her, to grow, and to evolve is what you are here to do. The love that you find here is the only constant that you will ever have. This love for yourself will carry over to every relationship that you have in your life.

If you are lacking love in your life this is why. The more you learn to fall in love with your own sweet soul, the more that love will follow.

 

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author: Erin Nicole

Image: xoerinnicole / Instagram

Image: xoerinnicole / Instagram

Editor: Julie Balsiger