We’re taught the difference between right and wrong beginning at a very early age.  We’re also bombarded with images of marriage, commitment and moral values. But as we grow, what was once defined as the right thing to do – i.e. don’t steal candy – mutates into something completely different – i.e. support someone you no longer love because you’ve made a commitment. What’s more important,  being righteous or being happy?

The Importance of Commitment

Labeling a relationship is a big step. Getting engaged and showing up at the altar is even a bigger step. But is it considered a BIG step because of the emotions that come along with it or because of the fine print? You constantly hear the words, “I’m not ready to commit.” People fear that fine print to such a degree that they can actually give up being with the person they care about.. That doesn’t make much sense, does it?

A sense of obligation trickles over us in relationships, making us often view supporting one another as a ‘drag’. Support a cheating spouse because it’s the right thing to do, for better or worse. Put up with a depressed boyfriend or girlfriend because hey, they haven’t done anything to DIRECTLY hurt you. Stay in a relationship you have no feelings towards despite having met someone else. All in the name of what’s right; all in the name of commitment.

Even if you’re no longer in love with the person you’re with, you still feel a sense of guilt at the thought of leaving them stranded without reason; it’s not fair, they don’t deserve it. Not once does it occur to you that although you may not be stabbing them directly in the heart, you’re actually inflicting the same amount of pain long term by depriving them of someone who actually loves them and wants to be with them

Let Happiness Conquer

It’s your life. It’s easy to be influenced by the people we care about… If your parents LOVE your partner, that’s all you hear about when you talk on the phone. If your friends think your partner is godlike, you won’t hear the end of it if you try to tell them you’re no longer interested. But the reality is simple: At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live your life, not them.

Don’t be a coward. It’s true, breaking the news and breaking this ‘commitment’ is going to stir up some real shit, don’t get me wrong. And really, though there is something to be said about the value of making a commitment and sticking to it, it shouldn’t come with a price as high as your happiness. No one will win in the long run.

Life is fucked up, complex, and filled with booby traps. If it were as easy as marrying the person you lose your virginity to in high school, there’d be no such thing as therapy… and Jerry Springer… and drugs and alcohol..

Point being, the ‘right’ thing can potentially make you miserable. If you don’t deal with the storm now, you’ll deal with it when you hit your midlife crisis, committing adultery, trying cocaine and hurting your children – physically and emotionally. Allow yourself room to make mistakes and realize you’re not saving anyone pain by staying in something that is making you unhappy.. because whether you realize it or not, you’re still inflicting pain… you’re just prolonging the inevitable.