Words are spells and boy, oh boy, did I curse myself.

The black magic I wove around my self-esteem for most of my life with my negative self-talk is old and dark.

I told myself I was a stupid failure and convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of love or respect. I cast hatred toward my body, soul, and spirit. I made myself believe that misery was my normal state, and I believed others when they agreed with me.

If we look at our lives as objectively as possible, we lean toward negative and dark things. We allow the offhand comments of parents and nurturers to shape us. The words of bullies and teasers still play in our minds. Words are powerful. Words are spells.

And this is good news…because we can break these spells.

I sing the praises of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven’t read it, I strongly recommend it. I share this book with my clients because I believe this book changed my life and broke the word spells that molded me for decades.

I’m going to tell you about how each of the Agreements affected and improved me, starting with the first:

“Be impeccable with your word.”

The word “impeccable” makes me think of perfection. Perfection isn’t a state or concept with which I jive. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes daily. Instead, I choose to view “impeccable” as meaning “pure” or “to a high standard.” So being impeccable with my word, to me, says that I try to be pure in my intention and keep my communication to a high standard. I work hard not to speak against others.

Words are spells, remember, and if I speak against someone…I am casting a spell on them that could curse them for life.

I want to be a good witch of words, darn it.

And so I work at it. I work to speak the positives and truths I see in myself and others. When I catch my brain being unkind, I ask it why, and then I try to reshape my thinking. I try to be impeccable with my self-talk, that little voice in my head that nags and hurts. I strive to be uplifting for friends and lovers and family so that I may support them, rather than tear them down. I try not to speak envy or fear or anger.

My curses were not lifted overnight. Simply changing my own words to purity and positives and truths didn’t fix the damage caused by words from other people. My self-abuse was only reaffirmed, after all, by abuse and carelessness from others. Their words still acted upon me and ate away at my core. How could I escape their power?

By realizing that those people were not impeccable with their words, of course!

If I have to work so hard to be impeccable with my own words, it follows that, perhaps, other people do as well. And if they speak against me, say hurtful or careless things, it means they probably say those things to themselves. Just because someone speaks a word doesn’t make it accurate.

To quote the movie Labyrinth, “You have no power over me.”

To take it a silly step further, my fave riposte: “I am rubber, and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” Speak against me, and it bounces off because words only have power if I let them.

When you’re not impeccable with your word, you’re doing some black magic, friend.